Haunted House Sleep Tester: My Nightly Reports to the Police

Desperate for cash to cover grandma's medical bills, I took the strangest gig ever: professional haunted house sleeper. Big mistake—or brilliant career move? Every night I wrestle headless ghosts for their missing skulls, play tug-of-war with vengeful spirits, and debate philosophy with murder victims. An elderly ghost couple once chased me with cleavers through their blood-soaked kitchen! Thanks to my mysterious immortal protection, I've somehow turned these malevolent entities into my personal ghost army. There's just one problem: every morning I wake up compelled to sprint to the police sta…