Dark, heavy clouds pressed down on the sky, masking the crimson hue from moments before. They hung low, as if about to collapse, signaling an impending storm.
Su Jinhuan stood under the eaves of Longjin Pavilion, listening to the swelling sounds of ceremonial music from the front courtyard. Her heart twinged with sharp, rhythmic pain.
Xiyin, her dowry maid, noticed her increasingly pallid complexion and, heart aching, brought over a cloak to drape over her shoulders.
"My Lady, let us return to your room. These... these vulgar noises will only sully your ears."
The rain began to fall in earnest. Beads of water clung to the grey eaves like a translucent curtain of pearls. Yet, this did little to dampen the festivities in the front courtyard. Through the drizzle, Su Jinhuan could faintly hear the master of ceremonies’ high-pitched call: "The couple bow to one another."
Indeed, today was the grand wedding day of Lu Jin’an and Bai Xiluoge, the adopted daughter of the Grand Commandant. A phoenix crown and embroidered robes, a dowry stretching for miles—all of Shangjing was singing the praises of this heaven-sent match, a perfect union of talent and beauty.
This elaborate display was clearly meant to shore up Bai Xiluoge’s standing, ensuring that no one would dare look down on her for being merely an adopted daughter. One had to ask: what woman in this world would not envy such consideration and devotion?
As for herself, she was nothing more than the daughter of a disgraced official. That Lu Jin’an had not yet cast her aside and still allowed her to retain the status of his legitimate wife was already a gesture of great mercy. Anything more would be sheer fantasy.
Yet, when Lu Jin’an was still a down-and-out young lord, it was she who had married him without hesitation, using her own dowry to manage the entire Anping Marquis Estate. It was she who had plotted and strategized for him, helping him climb the ladder of success.
But when exactly did things change? Was it when her father was accused of treason and her entire family was executed, leaving her alone? Was it when Lu Jin’an brought Bai Xiluoge back from the battlefield? Or perhaps it was when Bai Xiluoge won the Emperor’s favor and was adopted by the Grand Commandant, while she was relegated to the back courtyard under the label of being "jealous"?
She did not know.
The rain intensified. Su Jinhuan tightened her cloak, feeling an encroaching chill. In a daze, she recalled the scene of Lu Jin’an kneeling in her family’s main hall to ask for her hand. The young man then had been handsome and bright-eyed, his voice ringing out with conviction as he knelt before her parents: "I, Lu Jin’an, shall have only Jinhuan in this life."
"To grow old together, with her alone—I shall never fail her!"
Back then, her heart had just begun to stir. Swept away by the boy’s radiant, fervent love, she had blinded herself to all else. Ignoring the advice of her parents, she had insisted on marrying the impoverished Lu Jin’an. Looking back now, it seemed like a joke.
The ceremonial music in the front began to fade, replaced by the cheers of guests clinking glasses and mingling. How lively it was. She curled her lips in a helpless, self-mocking smile. It was her own failure to judge character; she would accept the consequences, both the cause and the effect.
Collecting her thoughts, she noticed for the first time that Xiyin’s eyes were severely swollen, and that Lianshu, who usually followed her, was nowhere to be seen. A sudden panic seized her heart, and her anxiety deepened. "Where is Lianshu? Why didn't she come with you?"
Xiyin stiffened for a moment before forcing a smile. "The front courtyard is overwhelmed today, so they called Lianshu over to help. She probably won't be back for a few days."
Su Jinhuan’s heart sank sharply. "You’re lying. Given Lianshu’s temperament, she would never go to the front courtyard to help. Tell me the truth—what happened to her?"
Having been bedridden with illness for so long, Su Jinhuan rarely used such a sharp tone. Seeing that she could no longer hide the truth, Xiyin’s eyes turned red, and she choked out a sob. "Yesterday, My Lady, you were burning with a high fever and remained unconscious. Lianshu was worried, so she thought to go to the front courtyard to ask the young master to send a physician..."
"Unexpectedly, the Old Madam caught her and had the servants beat her to death."
"When I snuck out to see her last night, her body was already a mass of blood and flesh, not a patch of skin left intact. She clung to her final breath just to tell me to relay a message to you."
"She said she had brought trouble upon you, and begged you not to blame her. She also said that in the next life, she still wants to stay by your side."
Despair crashed over her like a tidal wave, choking her breath. She could no longer hold herself up and vomited blood. But she did not care.
"Where is Lianshu? Where is she now? Take me to her!"
Lianshu was the youngest of her dowry maids, several years younger than her. The girl had feared pain more than anything in the world. To be beaten to death—how much must she have suffered? Tears streamed down her face, hitting the ground and striking her heart.
Seeing her cry, Xiyin could no longer contain her own grief. "They thought the smell of blood would offend the auspiciousness of today’s festivities. Early this morning, they threw her into the mass grave."
Her strength evaporated, and she collapsed to the ground, feeling as though she would never be able to stand again. This autumn seemed exceptionally cold.
Xiyin hurried to help her up. "My Lady, let’s go back. I’m cold!"
She knew Xiyin was merely using her own coldness as an excuse to urge her to return, fearing that listening to the revelry would only add to her suffering. But now, in Longjin Pavilion, would the room not be just as cold?
"It’s fine, Xiyin. I’ll just sit here for a while."
"Go and bring me that pear-wood box from my dressing table."
Xiyin hesitated, worried about leaving her alone. Su Jinhuan forced a smile. "I’m fine. Go on."
Xiyin could not refuse. "Then stay here, My Lady, I’ll be back in a moment!" With that, she ran off, fearing any delay.
Su Jinhuan watched the rain under the eaves—at times dense, at times sparse, a blank void. It was as if her entire life had been a mistake.
Xiyin returned quickly, tucking a hand warmer into her hand. "My Lady!"
Su Jinhuan took the warmer and the pear-wood box. Perhaps because she had run so hard, Xiyin was still panting, her clothes dampened by the rain. As the cold wind blew, she shivered, yet her heart and eyes were fixed entirely on Su Jinhuan.
Su Jinhuan felt another surge of emotion, her eyes brimming with tears. For most of her life, she had been blinded by Lu Jin’an. In the end, she had neglected so many people who had been good to her. She had failed them.
She opened the box. Xiyin’s expression changed abruptly. "My Lady..."
Before she could finish, Su Jinhuan interrupted. "Xiyin, say no more."
She pulled Xiyin’s deed of indenture from the box, along with the jewelry inside. "This is your deed, along with the jewelry in this box."
"Tonight, while the guards are distracted by the festivities, you must escape. The jewelry may not make you wealthy, but it will be enough to ensure you a life without want."
Her own life was already trapped in the back courtyard of the Anping Marquis Estate. That was her own doing, and she did not complain. But Xiyin should not be trapped in this soul-crushing prison with her. She had to give her back her freedom.
Xiyin burst into tears, repeatedly refusing. "My Lady, I won’t leave. I’ll stay with you."
"The jewelry in this box—these were the birthday gifts the Madam gave you over the years. You never wanted to sell them, and I cannot take them."
"What is this? Is it because I am in this state that my word no longer carries weight? Not even you will listen to me?"
She had always been gentle with her servants, rarely using a stern tone. Now, forcing herself to be angry, her face remained pale and her lips colorless, carrying no authority at all.
For the first time, Xiyin talked back. "I won’t. No matter what, I will not leave today!"
Su Jinhuan’s heart softened. She took Xiyin’s hand. "Go. Leave the capital and live a good life. On holidays, offer incense for me to my parents and to Lianshu."
Xiyin was sobbing uncontrollably, but still refused to yield.
"Xiyin, if you do not leave, I shall end my life in Longjin Pavilion this very day. You have been by my side for years; you should know that I am a person of my word."
Xiyin froze. Seeing the determination on Su Jinhuan’s face, she had no choice but to compromise. "Yes, I will listen to you, My Lady. I will leave."
The rain grew heavier, and the noise from the front courtyard began to die down. Su Jinhuan yawned. "Xiyin, I am tired. Let us go back."
"When you return, pack your things and find a chance to leave."
"Do not say goodbye to me. I am very sleepy; just go."
She was afraid. She was afraid that if she saw Xiyin leave, she would be unable to let go and would break down in tears. She also feared that if Xiyin saw her tears, she would be unable to bring herself to leave. It was better this way—to not see each other at all.
Xiyin wanted to say something, but stopped herself. "Understood, My Lady!"
Back in Longjin Pavilion, Xiyin helped her into bed, but Su Jinhuan could not sleep. After an unknown amount of time, she heard a knock at the door. "My Lady? My Lady?"
She hastily turned onto her side and closed her eyes.
The door opened. Xiyin entered with light footsteps, coming to the bedside. She watched for a long while before kneeling and kowtowing three times.
"My Lady, if there is another life, I will still be by your side."
With that, she closed the door and left.
Su Jinhuan opened her eyes, clear tears sliding down. Her bedside was damp—those were Xiyin’s tears. Xiyin had not listened to her after all; she had snuck in to look at her. If she had seen that she was still awake, she certainly would not have been able to leave. But it was for the best.
Finally, she was truly alone. In a daze, she drifted into a sleep.
When she woke again, it was to the commotion of the front courtyard. It was chaotic. Panic surged in her heart—had something happened to Xiyin?
She forced herself out of bed and rushed out the door, not even taking an umbrella. The rain was heavier now, turning the grey earth to mud; the darkness and the rain intensified the cold. Her head throbbed, and the eaves of Longjin Pavilion seemed to spin.
Finally, she collapsed into the mud. Through the haze, she saw Lu Jin’an and his party, Bai Xiluoge, and Xiyin—who should have already left. She heard Xiyin’s cry of pain: "My Lady..."
Then, she heard the sound of Lu Jin’an rushing toward her: "Jinhuan, Jinhuan..."
She could no longer hold on, and she lost consciousness.