When Chen Mo was crouching on the rooftop of an urban village village setting up his fill light, he finally penetrated the true meaning of the livestreaming industry—as long as your skin is thick enough, even Yama can be marketed as a fresh-faced idol. A system prompt was stuck to his mobile phone holder: "The smiling arc must be maintained at 30 degrees, otherwise the Thunder Tribulation beauty filter will be triggered."
"Hey folks!" Chen Mo held up a package of Demon Realm local specialties. "This carefree grass is personally endorsed by Meng Po. Place an order and get a voucher for Naihe Bridge!" The camera suddenly and automatically switched into an ecstatic mode, his mouth corners yanked back to his earlobes by the system, making him look just like a vampire who had just undergone a facelift.
"Warning: Audience in the livestream room is under 10."
"Suggestion: Summon nether soldiers to boost popularity."
Just as Chen Mo fished out a soul-recalled banner, the old junk collector downstairs suddenly wandered into the frame: "Young man, how much for this joss paper?" The bullet comments instantly drifted past: "Is the streamer bringing goods right into the underworld? Following, next time burn a smartphone for my grandfather."
The first customer was Pagoda-Bearing Li Tianwang, leaving a message requesting "a magical treasure capable of suppressing mischievous kids." Chen Mo backhanded the Husky into a courier box, attaching an instruction manual: "Ancient fierce beast cub, house-demolishing effect comparable to the Ruyi Jingu Bang." Three days later, a follow-up review came in: "Personal test works great, Nezha hasn't demolished a tower in three days!"
"Family members, look over here!" Chen Mo picked up an Alchemical Furnace shaped like a screaming chicken. "This thing can refine the wives inside wife cakes..." Before his voice trailed off, the furnace lid blew off, and a female yaksha wearing an apron popped out: "Who summoned this cook? Let's get it straight first, I'm not making cilantro-flavored pills!"
"Flash Task: Sell 100 bowls of Meng Po Soup in five minutes."
Chen Mo bit the bullet and started chugging: "Take one sip of this soup and forget your ex, take two sips and forget your loans..." Suddenly Lin Wanqing barged into the livestream room for a mic-link: "Darling, my dual-cultivation partner drank the soup and insists on divorcing me!" The bullet comments instantly boiled over: "Where's the link! I'll buy ten cases!"
When the courier guy stepped on a flying sword to pick up the packages, the parcels were staging a collective rebellion on the rooftop. The carefree grass was doing a square dance in the moonlight, the immortal-slaying saber and a kitchen knife were hacking at each other and sending out sparks, and the most extreme part was that box of Meng Po Soup—every bottle was playing the black history of an ex.
"Brother Chen, this is even more thrilling than delivering a Thunder Tribulation." The courier guy's protective Qi shield was slashed open by a package. "Extra pay is required for the Demon Realm express lane!" Chen Mo felt a pang in his wallet as he scanned the code to pay in Merit points, turning around just in time to find the Husky chewing the waybill as toilet paper.
At midnight, a sudden aftersales crisis broke out. Wenqu Xing bombed the chat with bad reviews: "The pennant color faded and dyed my memorial to the throne pink!" Chen Mo sneaked into the printing factory overnight and found the Earth God waxing the pennant with a foot odor treatment device: "Dear, change it to a positive review and get a year-long Celestial Realm trending search package for free~"
The system suddenly popped up a golden window: "Congratulations on achieving the 'Infamous Either Way' achievement." The reward was an automatic reply bot, with features including "scold without talking back" and "playing dead when asked for links." Just as Chen Mo finished setting up "Dear, it is suggested here that you directly undergo Tribulation," Queen Mother of the West @'d everyone: "The Flat Peach facial masks from the Yaochi group buy gave me an allergic reaction!"
In front of the camera, Chen Mo argued with a face full of peach fuzz: "This is a normal detoxification phenomenon..." Suddenly the Seven Fairies rushed into the livestream room to remove their makeup, and the densely packed peach-pit grain patterns on their faces triggered a bullet comment carnival: "Phobia welfare! Screenshot taken to use as a ghost-repelling talisman!"
On the night the warehouse exploded with orders, the temporary workers from the 18 levels of hell went on a collective strike. Ox-Head and Horse-Face held up banners to protect their rights: "Reject the 007 work schedule!" Driven to desperation, Chen Mo had to step into the fray himself, speeding wildly down the Huangquan Road on the back of the Husky, spilling Meng Po Soup all along the basket so that the ghosts jammed at Naihe Bridge caused the Wangchuan River to change course.
"Fellow daoist, your service is subpar!" Sun Wukong squatted on a pile of courier packages eating a Flat Peach. "Where's my Tight-Fillet Massage Device?" Chen Mo looked up and saw a Somersault Cloud spelling out the two characters "Bad Review" in the sky, with Lin Wanqing's purchased anti-fan troll army floating in the gaps between the clouds.
At this moment, the system added insult to injury: "Ultimate Penalty: The livestream room will loop black history." Thus, the audience of the Three Realms collectively watched Chen Mo get struck by lightning into an afro, get dragged into a cesspool by the Husky, and get forcibly matchmade with a sow by Yue Lao... The most extreme moment was his socially dead instant at the Celestial Court annual meeting when he called the Jade Emperor his father-in-law.
Just as Chen Mo was about to pull the internet cable, the Xuanming Mirror suddenly projected millions of online viewers. It turned out Yama had cast the livestream onto the Mirror of Retribution for a loop playback, and the bullet comments were filled with: "Forwarded to my enemies, looks way better than being boiled in oil!" The system went ding-dong: "Congratulations on completing the KPI, rewarded with one 'Most Miserable in the Three Realms' pennant."
When closing up shop, he found the Husky holding a mukbang in the corner. This wretched beast had stir-fried the Demon Realm local specialties into a "Hell Spicy Malatang," and Taotie, watching online, tipped ten volcanoes. Chen Mo silently fished out his notebook and jotted down: "Tomorrow's menu—Meng Po Soup instant noodles, Taishang Laojun Golden Core-flavored Latiao..."
His phone suddenly vibrated, and a new task popped up: "Please establish a cross-realm logistics empire within three days." Chen Mo looked at the mountainous piles of returns and exchanges, suddenly grinned broadly, and modified the Broom Spirit into an automatic packing machine—anyway, the worst that could happen was just working for Yama for five hundred years!