While squatting amid a pile of packages to stick shipping labels, Chen Mo finally grasped the ultimate mystery of the cultivation world: as long as your imagination is wild enough, even Yama can deliver packages for you. His phone screensaver had been changed to the logo of Three Realms Logistics, and beneath the avatar of a Husky was the slogan: "Dongfeng Express, mission accomplished (occasionally gets lost)."
"Boss Chen!" The Broom Spirit floated over wearing a hard hat. "The heavenly soldiers from Shentong, Yuantong, and Zhongtong are fighting at the front entrance, saying we stole their incense money!" Without raising his head, Chen Mo flicked out the Immortals-Binding Rope. "Tell them that if they don't get lost right now, I'll send Sun Wukong to their branch to belt out 'The Love's Offering'!"
"System Mission: Process 9,999 packages within 1 hour."
"Failure Penalty: Personally clear out the Queen Mother's online shopping cart."
An alarm suddenly wailed in the warehouse as the Meng Po Soup packages rioted en masse. Chen Mo grabbed a megaphone and shouted, "All liquid packages back in the boxes immediately! Otherwise, everyone is watching a marathon broadcast of *My Fair Princess* in the Celestial Realm tonight!" The shelves instantly fell dead silent—just last month, a batch of vicious ghosts had requested to be thrown into the oil cauldron themselves to avoid it.
"Brother Chen!" The delivery guy sped over on his Wind Fire Wheels, smashing through the glass. "The Demon Realm's Bone Dragon Logistics hijacked three trucks of our goods!" Calmly, Chen Mo pulled out the Xuanming Mirror, whose surface displayed Sun Wukong live-streaming sales at the Flame Mountain: "Hey folks! Remember to leave a five-star review for the Immortal-Slaying Blades you managed to grab!"
The customer service department was complete chaos, with the Seven Fairies wearing headsets and outputting furiously: "Dear, the reason the Amnesia Water you bought turned into soy sauce is because Meng Po jumped ship to Lao Gan Ma~" Suddenly, an angry complaint call came from the Jade Emperor: "Why did my Nine-Turn Golden Pill turn into Nine-Turn Intestines?"
Chen Mo rode the Husky straight to the Flame Mountain, where he found the Bull Demon King using the Plantain Fan to stick anti-counterfeiting labels on express boxes. "Brother, everything runs on direct-to-consumer supply chains nowadays." The Bull Demon King handed over a black card. "An annual fee of one hundred thousand Merit points guarantees your packages won't get peed on by the Xiaotian Hound."
The warehouse surveillance screens suddenly flickered with static, and Lin Wanqing's face appeared on every package label: "Darling, your company is about to go bankrupt~" Chen Mo reached behind and unplugged the power, only to turn around and find that all the shipping labels had automatically generated his ex-girlfriend's payment QR codes.
"Emergency Protocol Initiated: Summon one hundred thousand underworld soldiers as internet trolls."
Just as Chen Mo fished out the Soul-Recalling Banner, Yama's video call came through. "Little Chen, all my Underworld employees have been poached by you to be deliverymen. Now the Naihe Bridge is so jammed that even Meng Po is thinking of switching careers to become a designated driver!"
During the late-night inventory check, the Broom Spirit suddenly screamed, "Boss Chen! There's a ghost in our warehouse!" Chen Mo snatched up a *Five-Year College Entrance Examination, Three-Year Simulation* workbook and rushed over, only to discover it was Wenqu Xing secretly altering bad reviews: "This embroidered banner faded in the wash and got me reported by the Monkey King for academic fraud!"
On the day of the Double Eleven shopping festival, the Three Realms Logistics Center was draped with banners reading "Decisive Battle at the Peak of the Forbidden City." The Husky wore a headset to direct traffic: "Paw Patrol attention! Shentong's flying swords to the left, Yuantong's somersault cloud to the right!" Suddenly, Lei Zhenzi's drone swarm collided with Sun Wukong's monkey-hair clone, and a chaotic rain of packages began pouring from the sky.
"Boss Chen!" The Earth God drilled out of a teleportation array. "The five hundred Qiankun Pouches you ordered have arrived... Wait? Why did they turn into Meng Po-style woven snake-skin bags?" Looking at Lin Wanqing's signature on the shipping manifest, Chen Mo silently lit a candle for his ex-girlfriend—that woman had probably forgotten that Sun Wukong was currently live-streaming the unboxing of knock-off goods.
The customer service hotline was suddenly blown up by the Celestial Court's Discipline Inspection Commission: "Why do the Yaochi Flat Peaches you shipped out have QR codes growing on them?" Chen Mo pulled up the surveillance footage to see the Husky carving "Three Realms Free Shipping" micro-ads directly into the peach pits.
When the Jade Emperor's one hundred thousand heavenly soldiers blocked the entrance demanding an explanation, Chen Mo activated the ultimate contingency plan—releasing the Queen Mother's shopping cart wishlist. Instantly, the entire Celestial Court plunged into chaos: "What? His Majesty actually bought hair-growth pills in secret! Look! Yue Lao ordered ten boxes of anti-hair-loss red strings!"
At that moment, the system popped up a golden window: "Congratulations on achieving the 'Scapegoat' achievement," with the reward being an automated scapegoat robot. No sooner had Chen Mo set up the announcement reading "The temporary worker has been fired" than he was chased down for a debt by Nezha riding the Wind Fire Wheels: "Pay up! The packages from your company smashed a huge hole right through the South Heavenly Gate!"
As the setting sun cast its glow, Chen Mo sprawled across the pile of packages, gnawing on a Latiao. His phone suddenly vibrated with a new task prompt: "Please acquire SF Express of the Celestial Court within three days." The Xuanming Mirror reflected the Jade Emperor hiding inside the Lingxiao Hall eating instant noodles, with a dialogue box above his head reading: "Help! The Queen Mother is going to clear out her shopping cart again!"