As Chen Mo squatted at the South Heavenly Gate express sorting center gnawing on a scallion pancake, he finally understood what "Celestial Court rat race" truly meant—Nezha was delivering food on his Wind Fire Wheels, Erlang Shen moonlighted as a rideshare driver for hunting dogs, and even Xiaotian Hound had opened a pet grooming chain.
"Director Chen!" The Broom Spirit floated over with dark circles under her eyes. "Our shared flying swords have been stolen again! The surveillance footage shows Sun Wukong plucked some hair and transformed it into a monkey-version shared bike!"
Calmly, Chen Mo pulled out the remote control for the Tighthead Ring, and instantly, the rap version of "The Most Dazzling Ethnic Style" echoed across the skies of the Celestial Court.
"System Quest: Expand the shared magical artifact business"
"Reward: Automatic Scapegoat Robot 2.0 (New function: attending meetings on behalf of leadership)"
The day Chen Mo modified the Alchemical Furnace into a shared power bank, the entire Celestial Realm's Moments blew up. Lord of Thunder and Goddess of Lightning fought at the entrance of the charging station: "I made the reservation first!" "My ass! My Merit points are higher than yours!" In the end, the Jade Emperor intervened personally—and then secretly slapped a "Royal Exclusive" sticker on the power bank.
"Hey folks!" Sun Wukong live-streamed plucking his hair to transform it into shared bikes. "Scan the code and get a monkey-hair trial pack! Ride for a full ten minutes and get Rulai's autographed photo!"
Chen Mo looked at the suddenly skyrocketing repair orders on the app, all of which were negative reviews complaining that "the bike seat was scorched and the bell turned into a Tighthead Ring."
Queen Mother of the West's Flat Peach banquet was forced to transition into a buffet because the Kitchen Gods collectively jumped ship to deliver takeout. The Deity of Food rushed into Chen Mo's office riding a green ox: "Director Chen! My spatula was modified into a shared skateboard!" Chen Mo looked up at the monitor to see the Kitchen God drifting on a spatula spraying sparks.
While tallying inventory late at night, the Husky suddenly bit down on the Marriage Registry and barked frantically. Chen Mo flipped it open to find that Yue Lao had turned the red strings into shared charging cables, causing the Seven Fairies to fall in love with the same charging pile simultaneously. The hottest thread on the Celestial Court forum read: "Shocking! Weaver Girl and others fight in the streets over a power outlet!"
"Brother Chen!" The delivery guy burst through the front door. "Our shared Thunder Tribulation has been reported!"
When Chen Mo rushed to the scene, the God of Wealth was hugging a charred Treasure Basin and crying: "We agreed on a trial version of the Thunder Tribulation, so why did it blast my treasury into a Bitcoin mine?"
The system suddenly popped up a red alert: "Shared magical artifacts out of control!"
Right in front of them, the South Heavenly Gate turned into a massive pile-up—Nezha's Wind Fire Wheels were jammed inside a shared flying sword, Xiaotian Hound's leash tangled with a shared Immortal-Binding Rope, and most bizarrely, Pagoda-Bearing Heavenly King Li's pagoda was automatically accepting delivery orders.
"Fellow Daoist, how do you use this shared Alchemical Furnace?" Taishang Laojun put on his reading glasses and scanned the code. "I want to forge an immortality-reversal pill..." Suddenly, the furnace lid blew off, and a Nascent Soul Stage baby wearing a diaper popped out, waving a milk bottle and shouting Grandpa Jade Emperor.
Chen Mo hurriedly called an immortal press conference overnight, with the projector slide behind him reading "Cross-Boundary Integration New Ecosystem." When he announced, "In the future, we will launch a shared soulmate business," Lin Wanqing in the audience suddenly pulled out a forty-meter blade: "Don't you dare! This lady will share you, you heartless jerk, first!"
When the Celestial Court Disciplinary Inspection Commission kicked the door down, Chen Mo was using the Immortal-Binding Rope to pack up the shared magical artifact instruction manuals. Wenqu Xing, who led the team, pushed up his glasses: "Director Chen, someone reported you for using the Automatic Scapegoat Robot to ghostwrite Heavenly Statutes..."
Suddenly, the robot jumped out on its own: "This matter has nothing to do with my boss! Yue Lao taught me to do all of it!"
On the day of the Double Twelve promotion, the Three Realms shared app crashed. Chen Mo squatted in the server room trying to save the servers, only to find out it was Yama pad-stuffing orders—Underworld ghost guards were collectively registering accounts just to grab full-reduction coupons for Meng Po Soup. Taking advantage of the chaos, the Husky used the server as a scratching post, causing all shared flying swords to navigate straight to the Moon Palace Foot Bath Center.
When the Jade Emperor's accountability video call came through, Chen Mo initiated his ultimate blame-shifting plan—having the robot dress in a dragon robe and Cosplay the Jade Emperor on a live stream. As a result, the Celestial Court trending searches exploded instantly: "Shocking! Jade Emperor selling wigs late at night! Turns out His Majesty shops on Pinduoduo too!"
"Director Chen, should we launch a shared Heavenly Tribulation?" the Broom Spirit excitedly suggested. "Monthly subscribers can skip the ascension process!"
Looking out the window at the trial customers whose hair had been blasted into afros by lightning, Chen Mo silently added "Celestial Body Insurance" to the system store.
As the setting sun sank, Chen Mo collapsed among the piles of packages, scrolling through bad reviews. Suddenly, he received a mysterious order—"Rent the Great Sage Equal to Heaven, must be able to sing, dance, and rap." He turned his head to look at Sun Wukong, who was currently stealing peaches, and silently pulled out a "Three-Year Mock Exam" textbook: "Great Sage, want to experience the joy of being an internet celebrity?"
His phone suddenly vibrated, and a new quest popped up: "Please open a branch in the Demon Realm within seven days."
The Xuanming Mirror reflected Yama's fawning, smiling face as he held up a banner reading "Welcome Director Chen" at the head of Naihe Bridge, with a dialog box reading: "Underworld shared Meng Po Soup, second bowl half-price!"