When Chen Mo was squatting in a shared bicycle's front basket munching on a steamed bun, he finally grasped the true meaning of the Cultivation World: nowadays, without a side hustle, you couldn't even afford a lightning rod. His phone flashed with a notification: "The 'Heavenly Dao APP' you follow has updated its Moments feature," and the splash screen ad featured Meng Po endorsing "Forget-It-Water, second cup half price."
"Brother Chen! Your e-bike has turned into a spirit!" Wang Tiezhu, the delivery guy, came sprinting over, followed by an electric scooter blasting the song "Love and Business." Chen Mo pulled out the Xuanming Mirror and gave it a scan. A prompt popped up on the display: "Mount awakening condition: Pay off Huabei debt (current progress 2/9999)."
The phone suddenly rang with the "Great Compassion Mantra" ringtone, and his ex-girlfriend Lin Wanqing's avatar was dancing the tango on the screen: "Darling, the Tribulation-Transcending Pills I hoarded for Double Eleven are about to expire. Can you help me slash the price on Moments?" Just as Chen Mo was about to hang up, a handsome guy in Hanfu suddenly squeezed into the frame: "Fellow Daoist, I'm her new dao-companion. Can you lend me your Alipay family card?"
"Triggered emergency task: The Ex's Counterattack"
"Option A: Summon divine lightning to strike the love rival. Reward: 'Electrotherapy Health Method'"
"Option B: Bless the newlyweds. Reward: 'Ninja Turtle Title'"
Chen Mo shoved his phone straight into a roadside fortune-teller's turtle shell, only to turn around and run right into a neighborhood committee auntie patrolling with a QR code: "Scan the code to download the 'Anti-Fraud Cultivation APP,' report heretical cultivation methods and get free eggs!"
A "Foundation Establishment Experience Center" had newly opened downstairs in his apartment building, with a sign reading: "Nine-ninety to experience sword flight (insurance bought separately)." The boss was that same green-robed cultivator who had been dragged to the police station by Chaoyang district residents last time, and right now he was handing out flyers in a Meituan battle uniform: "Fellow Daoist, give me a five-star review, and I'll give you an 80% off voucher for a lightning rod!"
Chen Mo's Alchemical Furnace suddenly vibrated in his pants pocket. Fishing it out, he saw bullet comments scrolling across the LCD screen: "Family, today I'm going to show Lao Tie how to pan-fry a steak in an alchemical furnace!" The moment the furnace lid popped open, the Husky upstairs got so tempted it smashed through the balcony railing, grabbed the half-cooked steak, and sprinted toward outer space.
"System warning: Your mount is live-streaming a mukbang on Mars."
Chen Mo was squatting on the curb studying his new task when he was suddenly dragged into a square dance formation by an auntie wearing mink fur: "Young man, dance this routine of 'Most Dazzling Cultivation Style' with me, and this auntie will set you up on a blind date!" The speakers blared a suona version of "The vast skyline is my love," and the surrounding grandpas performed their Tai Chi sword dance with a spiraling-into-the-heaven momentum.
His phone suddenly received a bank text message showing 0.5 yuan had arrived in his account—it was precisely the overtime pay that had vanished during that blood-sacrifice array the other night. Before Chen Mo could even crack a smile, the Xuanming Mirror suddenly sounded an alarm: "Underworld currency transfer detected." On the banknotes spit out by the ATM, Yama's face was making finger hearts at him.
As night fell, Chen Mo huddled in an internet cafe booth eating instant noodles. The edgy youth in the next seat suddenly slammed the table: "Brothers, this round's chicken dinner finals are on Penglai Fairy Island!" In the screen, cultivators wearing ghillie suits were using talismans to bomb an airdrop box, and a wave of bullet comments swept past: "Thanks to Lao Tie for the Foundation Establishment Pill."
"Emergency task: Rescue the internet-addicted cultivator"
"Task hint: Defeat the Thunder Electricity Dharma King using internet-addiction-rehab spells"
Chen Mo grabbed his instant noodle bowl to use as a Dharma treasure and charged into the game, his controlled character suddenly sprouting three heads and six arms. The opposing boss with the ID "Thunder Electricity Dharma King Professor Yang" flew into a rage: "You youngsters don't talk about martial ethics!" As a result, he was beaten by Chen Mo using the "Five-Three" exam prep textbook into a bundle of EXP.
When he returned in triumph, a robot vacuum was locked in a struggle for household hegemony with a flying broomstick. Suddenly, someone knocked on the door. Standing outside was a real estate agent in a suit: "Mr. Chen, your mount on Mars caused property prices to soar, and the landlord wants to raise the rent!"
Chen Mo whipped out the Alchemical Furnace to pay the rent, only for the agent to start live-streaming on the spot: "Take a good look, Lao Tie! This is the Cultivation World's newest fully automatic smart pot!" The bullet comments suddenly exploded: "Behind the host!" There they saw the Husky carrying the steak dropping from the sky, with an NASA tracker still dangling from its tail.
The system abruptly popped up a golden announcement: "Congratulations on achieving the 'Ten Thousand Spectators' milestone." The reward was the real estate agent's professional uniform, with a stat bonus reading "Huckstering success rate +99%." Chen Mo put on the suit and struck a pose before the Xuanming Mirror, and the landlady's face suddenly materialized in the glass: "You little brat, dressing up like that to scam young girls?"
Late at night, Chen Mo was squatting in a 24-hour convenience store munching on oden. The TV was broadcasting the news: "Recently, unidentified flying objects have appeared in many places. Experts say it's a drone show..." Suddenly the footage cut to a live stream of the Husky dismantling a satellite in the space station, and the anchor's mouth twitched: "This definitely has to be special effects!"
His phone flashed with a WeChat Moment from Lin Wanqing: "A token of love given by my new dao-companion (with a photo of a Bronze Box matching ring)," and the location showed the Civil Affairs Bureau. Before Chen Mo could hit dislike, the system suddenly crashed, and blood-red characters appeared on the Xuanming Mirror:
"Ultimate task: Snatch the bride at your first love's wedding"
"Failure penalty: Inherit your ex-girlfriend's Huabei debt"
Red fog suddenly began to drift through the neon-lit streets, the convenience store cashier turned into a paper doll bride, and the ice cream in the freezer chanted the "Wedding March" in unison. Chen Mo shoved the last bite of radish into his mouth, only to suddenly hear a familiar roar echo from the sky:
"Fellow Daoist! Your mount smashed my drone to pieces!"