Chen Mo finally understood why Sun Wukong had rebelled when he was crouching on the steps of the South Heavenly Gate scrubbing the floor—the cleaning KPIs of this damn heaven were even more ruthless than mortgage collections. A notification popped up on his phone for the "Celestial Court Labor Dispatch Contract" issued by the Jade Emperor, with the five insurances and one housing fund section explicitly stating: "Covers Thunder Tribulation survival, resurrection guaranteed upon sudden death (30-day cooldown)."
"Newbie!" Pagoda-Bearing Heavenly King Li drifted past on a self-balancing scooter, with a "Celestial Delivery" thermal box hanging from the top of his pagoda, "Sweep up the Flat Peach pits in Yaochi, the Queen Mother's livestream shopping is making a mess everywhere!"
Chen Mo's broom suddenly spoke up: "Brother, my previous owner was Harry Potter, and Hogwarts's benefits are way better than this." With that, it folded itself into a mop to go on strike, dragging Nezha's Wind Fire Wheels until they threw sparks.
"Daily Quest: Collect grievances from the Nine Heavens (0/100)"
"Suggested Location: God of Wealth's Merit Box"
The God of Wealth was swiping incense money with a POS machine, and his eyes lit up when he saw Chen Mo: "Little Chen, want to sign up for a credit card? Swipe to accumulate Merit, installments exempt from Thunder Tribulation!" As he spoke, he pulled out a glittering golden card, "Black card users can skip samsara and reincarnate directly as a second-generation billionaire!"
Suddenly, an alarm blared wildly, and Erlang Shen rushed in leading the Xiaotian Hound: "Surveillance footage caught the Great Sage Equaling Heaven opening a VIP card at the Guanghan Palace KTV!" Chen Mo was squeezed in front of the merit box, hearing Sun Wukong's voice from inside: "This old Sun is going to top up 100,000 merit points and turn off Rulai's lamp!"
A long line snaked in front of Yue Lao's temple, with fairies holding up QR codes begging for marriage divination lots. Chen Mo's Xuanming Mirror was suddenly snatched away as a barcode scanner, and the white-bearded Yue Lao didn't even raise his head: "Choose me for online romance, I'm super sweet, offline meetups include after-sales service—young man, do you want to try some Meng Po Soup-flavored water of forgetfulness?"
During the lunch break, Chen Mo crouched in the Flat Peach Orchard to stealthily eat a takeout box. The Earth God suddenly burst out from a takeout bag: "Immortal! Your mount is stealing Laojun's Golden Core again!" His phone showed a Husky livestreaming in the Tushou Palace channel: "Hey folks! Eating these Nine-Turn Golden Cores makes your farts come out in rainbow colors!"
"Emergency Quest: Stop the mount from ruining the Celestial Court's image"
By the time Chen Mo arrived on the Wind Fire Wheels, Laojun was holding the Purple Gold Gourd and haggling with the Husky: "Dog fellow Daoist, the production cost of a Golden Core is eighty-eight thousand, how am I supposed to be an immortal if you sell it for nine-niny with free shipping?" The Alchemical Furnace suddenly popped up a notification window: "Group purchase successful! Immortal Old man of the South Pole has joined!"
The system suddenly issued a Celestial Court bulletin: "Cleaner Chen Mo's performance ranks at the bottom this month. Penalty: Wash the feet of the Protector of the Horses." In the Heavenly Stables, Sun Wukong was scrubbing his feet with the Golden-Hooped Rod: "Little Chen, back when I held this job..." Suddenly his phone rang with the "Journey to the West" ringtone: "Hello? Rulai! Are group-buying discounts available for the Buddhist scripture-seeking team?"
On the way home from work, Chen Mo's Somersault Cloud navigation always steered him to the Moon Palace Foot Bath City. Wu Gang stood holding an axe soliciting customers: "New customer trial price, chop the osmanthus tree and get a free essential oil back massage!" Chang'e's Jade Rabbit was pole dancing at the entrance, wearing a sash that read "No. 1 on the Livestream Donation Leaderboard."
His rented apartment had been converted to look like a cave dwelling, the door cracks jammed with "Celestial Realm Loan" flyers. A robot vacuum was arguing with Tang Seng who had come to alms: "Benefactor, this robot of yours has quite a bit of wisdom..." "Shut up! You're stepping on my charging cable!"
Late at night, Chen Mo browsed the Celestial Court work chat group. Nezha @all members: "Emergency notice! Next week's Celestial Court hygiene inspection—no garbage from the mortal realm is allowed in the trash cans of any palace!" The attached image was a model of a fairy boat that the Xiaotian Hound had pooped out by the edge of Yaochi.
His phone suddenly received a mysterious express delivery. Opening it revealed a silk banner wrapped in a Binding Immortal Rope: "Presented to the most stunning working stiff—all Ox-Head and Horse-Face of the Underworld." Yama's short-video account was livestreaming: "Thanks to Daoist Chen for inventing the automatic soul-hooking app, now the 007 work schedule is finally legal!"
The system popped up a new quest: "Help the Seven Fairies complete their Double Eleven sales quotas." When Chen Mo shouldered a sack and reached the edge of the Milky Way, the Weaver Girls were using the Magpie Bridge as a network cable to livestream cloud brocade sales: "Family! This fabric comes with its own beauty filter, put it on and you're practically an immortal descending to earth!"
Just as Chen Mo put on women's clothing to act as a model, the Cowherd's drone suddenly crashed into the livestream. The bullet comments instantly exploded: "Holy crap! Best dog-blooded drama of the year! Crowdfunding rockets to resurrect the Queen Mother!" The Xuanming Mirror suddenly crashed, displaying "Celestial Realm Cyberspace Administration Warning: Spreading undesirable values."
When he returned to the Celestial Court to report for duty, the Jade Emperor's smart throne was playing cheesy pickup lines: "Is my empire enough to support a trouble-making siren like you?" Chen Mo's pay slip fluttered down, stamped with: "Monthly performance: -250 merit points, reason: led the Great Sage Equaling Heaven astray into playing with his phone."
An alarm suddenly wailed from the South Heavenly Gate guard booth, and Clairvoyant shouted through his telescope: "Quickly notify Rulai! Sun Wukong opened a homestay on Five Fingers Mountain!" Chen Mo was squeezed to the edge of the Execution Platform, watching bullet comments from the mortal realm float past: "If the streamer jumps down, I'll gift you a Carnival!"
The system popped up a golden quest at this moment: "Final Trial: Conquer the Execution Platform with a broom." Chen Mo looked at the striking magical broom, and suddenly heard the Husky howling outside the clouds—that beast was carrying Laojun's Alchemical Furnace on its back, trailing exhaust smoke across the sky above the Celestial Court that spelled out "996 Blessing."