Football: My System Took Two and a Half Years to Debug

Armed with a fully debugged system, outsider Cao Yi crashes into European football through China's "500 Stars Abroad" program. Starting in Portugal's league for the 2012-2013 season, he tears through Europe at breakneck speed, leaving legendary managers scrambling for his signature. Wenger crowns him Arsenal's new king. Klopp declares Dortmund will forget their Polish star. Super-agents Mendes and Raiola fight over representation rights. But when fans chant his name across stadiums, Cao can only wince—because nobody can pronounce it right.