Mortician Streamer: My Death Prophecies Break the Internet

I woke up cursed with a funeral system—my livestream only attracts the dying. While other streamers rake in luxury gifts, I'm out here offering coffin discounts to self-destructive influencers. Haters scream to ban me, but I just smile: "Friend, death's shadow clings to you. How about a nanmu coffin at 20% off?" When my jealous rival dares me to curse him, I sigh and pull out the deluxe ebony urn: "Your 'blessing' has arrived—double-layered, moisture-proof, guaranteed peaceful departure." Miss my KPI quotas, and I'm the next one in the ground.