My Elder Sister, Lianxun, has been an honor student since she was a child.
In elementary and middle school, she advanced from a district-key school to a city-key high school, then breezed through her exams to get into a top-tier university in the Imperial Capital. After graduation, she joined a Fortune 500 company, where she was not only highly valued at work but also managed to capture the heart of her promising project manager. Now, half a year into the job, she has officially become a permanent employee, and her relationship with her project manager boyfriend has stabilized.
Today is Christmas, and Elder Sister brought him home to meet our parents. The moment they arrived, this handsome man—distinguished, gentle, and laden with gifts—was warmly welcomed by Mom and Dad.
This was his first time at our house, but it wasn’t my first time meeting him. Earlier, Mom had sent me to scout him out, so I had brazenly tagged along with Elder Sister for a few meals with him. He likely guessed my intentions, yet he remained attentive and polite, even buying me milk tea or pudding after every meal. I couldn't say I liked him—his gaze was distant, his expressions few, as if he were indifferent to everything, and he lacked that clingy, lovesick energy between him and my sister. But I didn't dislike him either, since Elder Sister always carried herself with a detached, aloof grace; the two of them were simply two of a kind. Regardless, he was my sister’s choice, and he couldn't be all that bad. I spoke well of him to Mom, which was the least I could do given his hospitality.
The gifts were brought in trip by trip, soon piling up in the living room. Mom was both delighted and feigned annoyance: "Oh, Juyan, look at you—you shouldn't have brought so much. You’re spending too much money."
Juyan, his name, lowered his eyelids in acknowledgment of her pleasantries, then handed a clearly expensive gift box to Mom: "Auntie, this is for you. Merry Christmas."
"You child..." Mom said, opening it while still being polite, before gasping, "Oh my! This is far too valuable!"
He had given Mom a string of Tiannv pearls. Mom had been talking about wanting this exact necklace for years but could never bring herself to buy it; a single strand was worth an entire year of her salary. Elder Sister was also stunned, clearly not expecting him to buy such an expensive gift. However, after receiving a look from him, she stepped forward and sweetly fastened the necklace around Mom’s neck: "Mom, just accept it. This is Juyan’s way of showing his sincerity."
Mom touched the necklace she had dreamed of for so long, her eyes welling up. She quickly turned to the wall mirror, using the excuse of adjusting her hair to wipe away her tears. Then, looking at her reflection, she smiled genuinely: "This necklace is just beautiful. Thank you so much, Juyan. After all these years married to her father, he has never bought me jewelry this expensive!"
Dad, who was busy with the main dishes in the kitchen, popped his head out and said weakly, "You really are something—if someone offers it, you just take it."
Mom had been feeling a bit bashful, but at that remark, she grew stern: "Why shouldn't I accept a gift from a child? Am I not worthy of wearing nice things?"
Dad didn't dare say another word and retreated back to the kitchen to keep cooking.
Juyan waited quietly for their bickering to cease before saying, "I have a bottle of champagne. Do you have glass flutes?"
Mom immediately ordered me: "Xiaohe, go get the glasses."
Although I had been pretending to watch a television program, I had been secretly hoping for a Christmas gift. Mom received the pearls, Dad received cigarettes and alcohol, but my name had never come up. It seemed there was nothing for me. Hearing Mom’s command, I swallowed my disappointment and said, "Oh," with an indifferent expression before heading off to fetch the glasses.
If there was nothing, then so be it. It wasn't as if I absolutely had to have something.
The glasses were in the kitchen cupboard. I took five and washed them sluggishly by the sink. Dad put a lid on the soup pot and came over to help me. He asked quietly, "Xiaohe, why the long face?"
Hearing that, I forced a smile: "I'm not, I'm quite happy."
He said, "Is it because Juyan didn't get you a gift?"
I got a little angry: "He’s here to see you guys, not me. Why should he buy me anything? Is his money not money?"
Dad quickly apologized: "I’m sorry, Dad was wrong. I just saw you looking so listless and worried you felt overlooked..."
Dad intended to comfort me, but that last sentence made me feel terrible. Was I not overlooked enough? Because Elder Sister was more accomplished, everything in the house was prioritized for her. They bought her new clothes while I wore her hand-me-downs. She didn't eat spicy food, so there could be no spice on the table. In our three-bedroom apartment, Mom and Dad took the master bedroom, Elder Sister slept in the second, and I lived on the balcony because she had so many books that they needed to keep a room free as her study. Only after she started working and moved near her office did I move into that study, yet even when she wasn't home, Mom insisted on keeping the room reserved for her.
My relationship with my sister was mediocre. On one hand, she was so obsessed with her studies that she took the preferential treatment she received for granted; on the other, the relatives around us were always comparing me to her, as if I were somehow inadequate. For the half-year Elder Sister had been gone, my life had been much more comfortable. The moment she returned, the lively atmosphere they created only served to highlight how redundant I was.
But today was a special day. I didn't want to sulk and ruin everyone's mood, so I forced myself to brighten up: "It's nothing. The glasses are done; I'm heading out."
Seeing my expression ease, Dad felt relieved and went back to check on the soup.
Dinner was served. The table was full of dishes that Elder Sister and Juyan loved. At the rectangular table, Mom and Dad sat facing them, while I sat facing the wall, silently eating the fried egg Dad had buried at the bottom of my bowl. Mom and Elder Sister were both nauseated by the smell of eggs, and Dad, being henpecked, could only use this fried egg to comfort me in secret.
Juyan and Elder Sister planned to get engaged next year. Besides meeting the parents, his visit today was to sound them out about it. Mom had already been won over by him and his gift, smiling as she said, "As long as Xiao Xun is willing, we have no objections."
Elder Sister smiled faintly. She was certainly satisfied with the boyfriend she had chosen; otherwise, she wouldn't have brought him home. She looked at Juyan, then back at our parents, and said, "His parents want to invite us to dinner on the first day of the Lunar New Year to discuss the engagement details. You must clear your schedules."
Mom agreed readily: "Where would we go on the first day of the Lunar New Year? What could be more important than your engagement?"
They were singing from the same hymn sheet.
I finished my meal without interest, picked up my bowl, and stood up: "I'm full. I'm going to go study."
Mom and Elder Sister responded with a hum, and Juyan glanced at me. Dad said with some concern, "Are you full after eating so little? Don't just focus on studying and wear yourself out. I'll make you a late-night snack in a bit..."
Mom cut him off: "There’s so much food in the house, will she starve? Don't worry about her so much."
Then she turned to me and said, "You have your exams coming up soon. Learn from your sister, focus more on your studies, and stop playing on your phone."
I suppressed the urge to retort, washed my own bowl, and returned to my room. I wanted to slam the door shut, but in the end, I sheepishly closed it softly. Mom was still rambling outside: "Your younger sister just barely scraped a passing grade in her mock exams. She really doesn't make things easy for me. If only she were as excellent as you..."
I leaned against the door, and tears began to stream down my face. Complaining every day that I’m not as good as Elder Sister—why did you even give birth to me? Why didn't you just strangle me at birth? Even my teachers praise my progress, but you say I don't make things easy for you. I...
I was dizzy with anger. In a fit of rage, I walked to my desk and tore up my exams—the ones I had finished, the ones I hadn't, I tore them all up one by one!
Study, study, study—what is the point of it all! I can't live like this anymore!
After I finished tearing them up, I wanted to slap myself. I’m an idiot! If I tear them all up, what am I going to hand in on Monday? And I had already finished more than half of them! Ahhh!
I quickly sent a message to my childhood friend in the same class, asking him to photocopy his exams for me, then wiped my tears and started cleaning up the shredded paper on the floor. While picking up the scraps, I felt pathetic, stupid, and useless. But my miserable life was in Mom's hands. If I dared to stand up to her today, I would be grounded tomorrow, and eventually, under Dad's persuasion, I would have to grovel and admit my faults to her, endure a severe scolding, and only then would things return to normal. Because this routine had repeated so many times, avoiding conflict with Mom had become instinct—that was why I took my frustration out on the exam papers.
Sigh...
I'm so furious.
My friend replied quickly: "When are you coming to get them?"
I said, "I'm not in the mood tonight. Let's meet at the milk tea shop at nine tomorrow morning. I'll treat you."
He asked, "Fighting with your family again?"
I said, "It’s a long story."
He sent a bear-offering-flowers emoji and added, "Don't think about it. Get a good sleep, see you tomorrow."
I sent a "O98K" panda meme, then threw myself and my phone onto the bed and closed my eyes. I hadn't eaten much, and now, between the anger and the hunger, I tossed and turned, unable to sleep at all. Outside, all I could hear was the sound of Mom's laughter as she kept them for fruit, TV, and small talk.In the end, she said, "Oh, it's already past eleven, and it’s raining—driving is dangerous. Besides, Xiao Xun hasn't been home in a while, so why don't you both just stay the night?"
Elder Sister and Juyan agreed to stay over, and Mom bustled about to get the room ready.
There was a flurry of activity in the bathroom as everyone took turns washing up. Finally, Elder Sister came in, wearing her pajamas and drying her hair.
She patted my shoulder. "Xiaohe, let's sleep together tonight."
After such a long night, I was already exhausted. I let out a muddled "mm-hmm" and rolled toward the inside of the bed.
The bed was 1.2 meters wide. We lay back-to-back, and it wasn't even crowded.
Since Elder Sister was sleeping with me, that meant Juyan would have to sleep in the guest room.
Even a complete outsider could sleep in my family's guest room, yet I couldn't. Hmph. I should just dig the guest room out and take it with me as part of my dowry—I certainly won't have it tainted by anyone else!
Nursing my resentment toward the guest room and listening to the sound of someone blowing their hair dry in the bathroom, I drifted off to sleep.
That night.
Because I felt so guilty, I woke up before dawn.
I didn't dare look at the guest room. I snuck into the bathroom like a thief, sitting on the toilet with a splitting headache.
As luck would have it, my period had started. I tossed my dirty clothes into the washing machine and, before anyone else was awake, I snuck out of the house.
I sat at a breakfast shop two blocks away, yawning as I waited for my rice noodles.
Just as I was dozing off, my childhood friend Yan Luo came in for breakfast.
He had a habit of jogging in the morning, so he must have just finished his run. His lean frame was wrapped in a down jacket, and he exhaled clouds of steam as he jogged inside. Seeing me there, he zipped up his jacket and called out to the lady at the counter, "Auntie, I'll have what she's having!"
The lady making the rice noodles at the door shouted, "Coming!"
He grabbed two cups of free soy milk, sat down across from me, and handed me one to warm my hands. "Why are you up so early? Did something happen at home to upset you?"
When he said that, I remembered complaining about Mom to him last night.
But that was then, and this is now; compared to that dream, Mom was no longer the most stimulating thing on my mind.
Still, I couldn't tell him about it.
It was too hard to put into words.
I forced my thoughts back to the mundane reality. "It's just my mom—constantly nagging me to be more like my sister. It’s so annoying. I was so angry yesterday I ripped up my homework."
Yan Luo looked at me like I was an idiot. "Is that why you asked me to photocopy those for you? Tell you what, I’ll give you Curry’s chew toy. Don't rip up your assignments anymore—just chew on that instead."
Curry was the dog his family owned.
"No way!" Remembering the homework I had to make up today, I was so distressed I even forgot about Juyan. "The bubble tea shop isn't open yet. Can I go to your place to finish my homework later?"
"Sure." His rice noodles arrived, and he took out his phone. "I’ll drop your mom a message. Eat in peace."
"What would I do without you, Yanzi!" I said, touched.
Yan Luo replied, "Go on, quit calling me Yanzi."
Mom still maintained a polite front with Yan Luo, and through him, she told me to come home for lunch.
I glanced at his phone and said, "Ask her when my sister and her boyfriend are leaving, too."
Yan Luo typed a message while asking, "What’s Sister Xun’s boyfriend like?"
"My parents both really like him. They're getting engaged next year."
Yan Luo said, "That fast? Didn't they only start dating six months ago? ... Your mom says they’re leaving after breakfast."
I breathed a sigh of relief.
He put down his phone and asked, "You don't like her boyfriend?"
I got goosebumps just thinking about Juyan. "As long as they like him, that’s all that matters. Let’s not talk about them anymore. Eat up—your soy sauce is almost dried up."
"Oh." Thankfully, he didn't press the matter.
After we finished, Yan Luo packed two orders of rice noodles and soy milk to go, and I went home with him.
Yan Luo’s parents were very easygoing people; I felt more at home there than I did in my own house.
Yan Luo’s dad had gone out to drive for a ride-sharing service right after breakfast, and his mom was doing chores. When she heard my period had started, she made me brown sugar egg water and filled a hot water bottle for me.
I sat on Yan Luo's bed, feeling safe and comfortable, and couldn't help but fall backward, letting out a long, "Aaahhh," as I stretched out.
Yan Luo walked in with my worksheets and, seeing my state, was both annoyed and amused. "If you're not feeling well, just take a nap."
That was exactly what I wanted. I immediately took off my shoes and coat, slid under the covers, and said, "I’ll sleep for half an hour. Remember to wake me up, or I’ll never finish this work."
Yan Luo pulled the curtains shut and tossed an eye mask at me. "Got it. Go to sleep."
I really was exhausted. I put on the eye mask and fell asleep the moment I closed my eyes. In my half-conscious state, I heard Yan Luo whispering to his mom: "She’s asleep, don't disturb her..."
His mom replied, "It's no wonder, it really is exhausting..."
My heart felt a little sour.
If only I had been born into the Yan family—what a happy, carefree little girl I would have been.I was fast asleep when suddenly something warm and wet started panting and licking my face.
I jolted awake in a panic, let out a yelp, and threw off my quilt.
Yan Luo pushed the door open and walked in. "What happened?"
Still shaken, I stared at the thing I had shoved away.
It was Curry.
I had knocked it onto its back on the bed, but it scrambled up, looked at us with an innocent expression, and let out a weak "woof."
Yan Luo picked it up. "Sorry, sorry! It just learned how to open doors recently. Did it scare you? Why did you scream so loud? Did it bite you?"
I wiped the slobber off my face, my heart still pounding in my chest. "No, it didn't bite me. It just startled me..."
I thought I was dreaming about Juyan again.
Since I was too shaken to go back to sleep, I reached out toward Curry. "I'm sorry, little Curry. Did I hurt you when I pushed you off?"
Curry was a stray puppy that Mom Yan had taken in. Living in the Yan Family, it ate well and slept soundly, growing into a plump, adorable little thing.
It held no grudges at all. Pushing off of Yan Luo, it jumped into my arms, nuzzling its head against me while its little tail spun like a windmill.
Yan Luo reminded me, "Hey, hey, it’s time to do your homework."
I glanced at the wall clock and hurried to get out of bed. "An hour has already passed! Why are you only waking me up now?"
"The sky wouldn't have fallen if you’d slept a little longer. I’m taking Curry to get its vaccinations; you stay home and do your homework."
With him gone, I’d be free. I called out to him, "You’ve finished your homework, right? Can I see it?"
Yan Luo knew I would never manage to finish it all on my own. With a helpless sigh, he said, "It’s on the desk. You can look at the ones you’ve already done, but you have to do the rest yourself."
I patted my chest. "You have to trust my integrity!"
He reached the door with Curry in his arms, then turned back, still looking worried. "It's senior year. Try to be a little more disciplined."
"I know, I know. Just go already."
As soon as he left, I immediately dug out his worksheets.
Since he had already finished them, for all intents and purposes, I had basically finished mine, too.
However, Yan Luo’s grades were fifteen to twenty places higher than mine in class. Copying everything would be too risky, so I still had to do some of the harder problems myself. My mistakes also had to be consistent with my usual level of ability.
But these problems were so difficult. I hit a wall after only a moment of work, so I had to pull out his tablet to find a study app.
His tablet desktop was just as clean and orderly as his room, with apps neatly organized into folders, making it easy to find what I needed.But no matter how thoroughly I searched the folders, I couldn't find a study app!
That annoying honor student!
I slapped the tablet as if it were Yan Luo, and without knowing what I had tapped, the interface suddenly switched to a video player, automatically starting a movie.
It began with an FBI warning.
I figured it must be some suspenseful American TV show.
I curled up on the bed with the tablet, thinking that since I still had some time, I might as well watch a little.
As it turned out, the movie was actually Japanese. It opened with a crowd of people packed into a subway train during the morning rush hour.
The protagonist, a woman with refined makeup, was wedged in among a group of numb, faceless corporate drones, looking just as exhausted and dazed as they were.
Watching it made my heart sink. I wondered, was I going to end up like her, taking the subway every single day?
No way, absolutely not. I have to study hard, get into a top school, land a great job, and at the very least, buy a car.
However, the movie didn't just focus on the woman's corporate life; things gradually started to take a dark turn.
The woman was being harassed on the train by a groper. The hand first touched her tentatively, and she frowned, only dodging without making a sound. The groper then grew bolder, beginning to rub his hands all over her body.
The woman wore a look of disgust and resistance, yet she had nowhere to escape. Those hands grew increasingly intrusive, eventually lifting the hem of her pencil skirt...I stared blankly at the female lead on the screen, her expression a confusing mix of pain and pleasure. My mind was in complete disarray.
Yan Luo, the childhood friend I'd grown up with since we were in diapers, the model student in the eyes of teachers and classmates alike...
He actually...
He was no longer innocent!
Just then, Yan Luo suddenly walked in. The moment he saw what was on the tablet screen, his face changed dramatically. He practically lunged forward to snatch the tablet, slammed it shut, and then glared at me with a dark expression. "Why were you going through my tablet?!"
This guy had corrupted my mind, and yet he had the nerve to yell at me?
I yelled back even louder, "Why are you shouting?! I was just looking for a study help app! Who knew *that* kind of stuff would pop up..."
Before I could even finish, Mom Yan heard the commotion from outside. Assuming we were fighting, she walked toward us, calling out, "What's going on?"
Hearing Mom Yan coming over, Yan Luo hurriedly clamped his hand over my mouth to muffle the rest of my words, letting out a "shh" that was half-pleading and half-warning.
Just before Mom Yan pushed the door open, he quickly let go of me and stepped to the side.