In Daxia, the scene of the Imperial Guard conscripting soldiers was as lively as a bustling country fair. Our protagonist, a peasant named Li Rufeng who loved to join in the excitement, was just that kind of person. He usually loved gossiping with his neighbors from house to house, and the moment he heard that the Imperial Guard was holding a draft, his legs seemed to be pulled by something as he scurried briskly toward the recruitment station.
The recruitment station was packed to the brim with people, crammed so tightly not even a drop of water could leak through. Slippery as an eel, Li Rufeng wriggled and squeezed his way through the crowd, finally getting near the front. Suddenly, "Ouch!" Li Rufeng was kicked sprawling face-first into the dirt by an unknown assailant, sending him flying right out of the crowd. Scrambling to his feet, covered in dust and dirt, he cursed furiously, "Which bastard just kicked me? Are you blind?!" Roars of laughter erupted from the surrounding crowd, and a tall, thin man clutched his stomach and laughed, "Li Rufeng, with a puny frame like yours, you still want to be a soldier? Don't go and get yourself kicked back by the enemy like a soccer ball!"
Li Rufeng stamped his feet in frustration, and just as he was about to snap back, he suddenly remembered that he must not expose his formidable immortal skills. Why? Well, he just wanted to live a carefree life in this little village and didn't want to get dragged off to fight in wars. If his abilities were exposed, he would surely be press-ganged into service by the Imperial Guard just like that.
At that moment, Fatty shuffled over from the side and said with a grin, "Li Rufeng, look at my physique. I'll definitely make a fine soldier, and one day I'll return home in glory and bring honor to my ancestors. Unlike you, who can only scratch a living out of this dirt." Li Rufeng glared at him and snorted, "What do you know? What's so great about being a soldier? Before you even reach the battlefield, you might get knocked out cold by the smell of enemy horse manure."
Turning red with rage, Fatty was just about to fly into a temper when the recruitment officer shouted at the top of his lungs, "Quiet! Form an orderly line, one by one!" The crowd finally quieted down. Li Rufeng's eyes rolled as a clever idea struck him. When his turn came to step forward, he deliberately put on a sickly air, coughing violently every few seconds while sniffling and muttering, "Officer, look at my frail constitution. A single gust of wind could blow me away. There's simply no way I can serve as a soldier."
Frowning, the officer looked him up and down and asked suspiciously, "Are you genuinely sick or just faking it?" Upon hearing this, Li Rufeng instantly threw himself onto the ground and began rolling around, wailing miserably, "Officer! I have an eighty-year-old mother above and babbling infants below. If I leave, how are they supposed to survive?!" Everyone around was dumbfounded by his acting skills, and some couldn't help bursting into laughter.
Right at that moment, a man looking like an old pedant walked over, shaking his head and pontificating, "This is an act of utter injustice! When the country calls for conscription, one should respond with enthusiasm. How can you shirk your duty like this?" Hearing this, Li Rufeng sat up and yelled at the old scholar, "It's easy for an old man like you to talk! Why don't you go be a soldier? It's easy to flap your gums when you're not the one bearing the weight!" Left speechless and choked with anger, the old scholar turned on his heel and stalked off in a huff.
With a helpless wave of his hand, the officer said, "Alright, alright. Look at this pathetic state of yours, get lost, get lost." Hearing this, Li Rufeng sprang to his feet, dusted off his backside, and scampered away happily. As he ran, he looked back and shouted, "Hehe, you want to draft me? In your dreams!"
Having successfully evaded the draft, Li Rufeng hummed a little tune and strolled back leisurely to his family's farmland, resuming his life of "sunrise to work, sunset to rest." Every morning, the moment the sun peeked over the horizon, he would shoulder his hoe and saunter slowly out to the fields.
Back in the village, however, the excitement surrounding the conscription had not yet died down. Fatty had successfully been selected for the Imperial Guard, and he strutted around the village all day long, boasting to everyone he met, "Just wait until I perform great deeds of merit in the Imperial Guard and come back to show you all." Watching Fatty's smug look, Li Rufeng muttered inwardly, "Hmph, with your fool's brain, just make sure you don't wet your pants from enemy fright when the time comes."
Around noon that day, Li Rufeng was sitting in the shade of a large tree by the edge of the field to cool off when he heard a commotion coming from not far away. He wandered over to take a look and saw that Widow Li of the village was arguing with Scoundrel Zhang. Hands on her hips, Widow Li shouted angrily, "You scoundrel! What right do you have to occupy half a ridge of my land? Do you think you can bully me just because I'm a widow with an orphan to raise?" Scoundrel Zhang threw a tantrum and replied, "I've occupied it, so what can you do? If you've got the guts, go run to the Imperial Guard!"
Hearing this, Li Rufeng was amused. He stepped forward and said, "Scoundrel Zhang, you're really crossing the line here. You seize a widow's land and you aren't even afraid of bad karma. Besides, the Imperial Guard is here to protect our country, not to back you up in doing evil." Scoundrel Zhang cast a sideways glance at Li Rufeng and sneered, "Oh, look at you, a deserter, still has the nerve to lecture me. If you've got the guts, go join the army yourself."
Li Rufeng grew anxious at this, and he almost wanted to show a trick or two to teach this scoundrel a lesson. But remembering he couldn't expose his abilities, he held back his anger and retorted, "Whether I serve as a soldier or not is none of your damn business! Hurry up and return the land to Widow Li." At that moment, the old village chief hurried over and declared, "Stop arguing, all of you! Scoundrel Zhang, give the land back to her, or I'll go report you to the magistrate." Realizing he had no choice, Scoundrel Zhang had to return the land with his tail between his legs.