Analyzing the current situation:
The Patriarch of the family is away on travels, and Dad has taken all the family's elites to the Secret Realm.
Fortunately, they thoughtfully left an elder behind to guard the house, but unfortunately, that old man couldn't stand the loneliness and secretly went out to fool around with his old flame.
The entire Yan Clan currently has no one left except for some vulnerable old folks, women, and children with zero combat power.
Obviously, this is a trap deliberately set by that author, the old man.
Asking someone for help is clearly a dead end, and there's no time anyway.
If she wants to break this deadlock, she'll have to rely on herself.
Looking around her bedchamber, she collects a total of eighteen items that might be useful.
Yan Xiaoyi sets the items out one by one, squats on the ground, supports her cheeks with both hands, and starts calculating:
The precious sword is ruled out first; a sneak attack is already out of the question, so this thing is just for decoration.
A comforter — smother the old man to death with it? That doesn't seem very realistic, at best it's only good for wrapping her own corpse.
In the end, Yan Xiaoyi's gaze lingers on that set of worn, unwashed intimate apparel...
Seduction?
That actually sounds plausible!
But soon Yan Xiaoyi shakes her head and casts this absurd idea aside.
That old geezer is so old, his yolk is probably already scrambled; nine times out of ten, he won't be able to get it up.
Seduction will only produce the opposite effect.
Inadvertently, her eyes catch a dusty bunch of bronze keys thrown under the bed.
"That seems to be for opening the ancestral hall..." halfway through her sentence, Yan Xiaoyi's eyes light up. "I've got it!"
She immediately grabs the keys, strides off, and sprints toward the ancestral hall.
In the center of the ancestral hall rests a large red coffin, and inside lies her great-grandma.
Due to the old lady's immense contributions to the family during her lifetime, the Yan Clan spared no expense to craft this blood-jade coffin, which can keep the corpse from decaying, for future generations to pay their respects and worship.
"Click, clack~" Yan Xiaoyi struggles to pry open the coffin lid, stares at the kind-faced old woman lying inside, and presses her palms together. "Sorry, Great-Grandma. Save my dog's life, and I'll burn you a lot more paper money during every holiday from now on!"
"Come on, get up, I'm going to lie down for a bit."
She is just about to lift the person out when she hears the voice of the white-haired old man ringing out in the courtyard: "Fiddling around for ages and refusing to come out and see anyone, what on earth is she playing at? Step aside!"
There's no time!
Yan Xiaoyi grits her teeth, resolutely jumps into the coffin, and lies down alongside Great-Grandma.
Closing the coffin lid, she holds her breath, not daring to let out even the slightest gasp.
Making the sign of the cross on her chest, she chants silently in her heart: Amitabha! Bless me, Heavenly Bodhisattva, bless me, Ksitigarbha, bless me, Great-Grandma! I really don't want to die again!
Completely unaware that her great-grandma, who has been dead for many years right beside her, has a strange smile appearing on her face.
"Where is she? Exactly where has she gone?" The white-haired old man's voice draws closer and closer.
"Bang~" The moment the ancestral hall door is kicked open, Yan Xiaoyi's heart leaps into her throat.
She thinks to herself in alarm: No way? Has this old geezer started using cheats? He can even find me hiding here!
"Hmm?" The old man's divine sense sweeps across the ancestral hall, sensing no aura of any living person.
Soon, his gaze rests on the large red coffin. His divine sense cannot penetrate it, so this coffin must be somewhat extraordinary.
Just as he is about to step forward to check, a fierce, gloomy wind suddenly blows up inside the ancestral hall, rattling the doors and windows with a clattering sound, and a bone-chilling cold aura spreads at that moment.
Ye Qing, following right behind the old man, changes expression drastically and hurriedly advises him: "Elder, Yan Xiaoyi shouldn't be here. We should leave; let's not disturb the deceased!"
After a moment of contemplation, the old man nods and retreats outside.
"Tell your young miss that her engagement to Ye Qing is hereby canceled, and she is not to come pestering him again in the future!"
As the old man's voice fades further and further away, Yan Xiaoyi cautiously pushes open a corner of the coffin, sticks out a small fraction of her head, and watches the receding figure, her fists clenched tightly while sparks of hatred burn in her eyes.
"Offended!" Jumping out of the coffin, she puts her hands together and bows deeply.
Little does she know, the moment the coffin lid closed, the corpse inside completely dissolved into nothingness.
That commotion just now was her great-grandma's final act of love...
Returning to her room in a daze, just as she is about to take a bath to wash away her bad luck, she hears a voice echoing in her mind:
"Ding-dong~ Congratulations, Host, for successfully surviving the first plot segment! I am your exclusive tips assistant, the Invincible Ruthless Ultimate Overlord Fiery Heaven-Defying System Version 0.01 Test Edition — referred to for short as the Laji System!"
"Ha~" Yan Xiaoyi raises her middle finger to express her most sincere respects.
A late-arriving system is as useless as a stray dog.
The grass on the child's grave is already half a meter high, and now it remembers it's time for a feeding! — truly worthy of the name Trash System!
"Because the Host was wasted ninety-nine times at the start, you have completed the hidden achievement 'Nine-Nine Returns to One, Absolutely Trash'… Unlocking constitution: Innate Lightning-Attracting Strange Body."
"Hissss~" Yan Xiaoyi knits her brows, feeling vaguely that this constitution is somewhat unorthodox.
The next second, the Trash System offers an explanation:
"Innate Lightning-Attracting Strange Body: Every time the Host's cultivation realm increases, it will trigger a Heavenly Tribulation Lightning. This heavenly lightning has a ninety-nine percent chance of randomly striking an unlucky soul other than the Host."
"Huh?" Yan Xiaoyi's eyes light up, and she strokes her chin. This constitution... seems somewhat interesting.
However, the Trash System hasn't finished explaining: "... But if it strikes yourself, there is a ninety-nine percent chance of instantaneous death, utterly destroying both body and soul."
Yan Xiaoyi is unimpressed by this; she can just reload her save to revive anyway, so why would she be afraid of getting one-shotted?
The next second, the cold prompt tone of the Trash System sounds: "Warm reminder: Your esteemed member experience period has expired, and the save-loading function is disabled. From now on, please cherish your life and do not deliberately court death..."
Wait, what? Everything requires a membership subscription these days? Yan Xiaoyi frowns slightly: "Spit it out! What do I need to do to renew it?"
"It's very simple. You only need to cultivate to the Emperor Realm, and there will be a certain probability of reactivating it..."
Yan Xiaoyi chokes on that. I'm just a tiny cultivator in Qi Refining, and you're talking to me about the Emperor Realm? That's like telling a beggar to become the richest person in the country. That really is so "simple"!
"Right? This system is very user-friendly! Below, we are issuing your completion rewards: three lucky grand lucky-draw chances! The winning rate is as high as ninety percent, oh~"
As the system's voice fades, a virtual lucky-draw roulette wheel appears before her eyes.
A lucky draw, is it? Fine! I want to see what kind of trash items I can possibly pull out.
Yan Xiaoyi takes a deep breath, puts her palms together, and silently starts chanting: "Amitabha! Let the European Emperor possess me! Come on, give me a single-pull hit!"
"Ding~"
The moment the roulette wheel's marquee lights up, her eyeballs start darting around rapidly in sync with the pointer.
Finally, the pointer stops.
Looking at the cold and ruthless characters "Thanks for Playing", Yan Xiaoyi snaps mentally on the spot.
She flips the table over with a single heave, sticks up her middle finger, and unleashes a stream of foul language: "Trash!! You really are a fitting Trash System!"
"The systems of other people casually hand out Supreme Bloodlines or Demon Emperor Prime Blood, and you start me off with a 'Thanks for Playing'?"
"… Since you can't act like a human, do you insist on acting like a dog? Ninety percent winning rate? Are you playing games with your own mother? Come on, get your ass out here! I want to have a nice little chat with you..."
However, this broken system lacks any shred of humanity; no matter how hoarse she screams, there is not the slightest reaction.
"Don't get angry, don't get angry! I am a quiet and beautiful young lady!"
Yan Xiaoyi bites her lip until it bleeds, forces herself to calm down, and speaks slowly: "Taking my biological father's thirty years of being single as a sacrifice, give it to me!"
Swish~
The pointer stops, and a dazzling golden light almost blinds Yan Xiaoyi's eyes.
The system prompt rings out at this moment: "Congratulations, Host, your character has burst through the roof! You have drawn the Overbearing CEO Exclusive Two-Piece Set! Your reward is currently being issued..."