Amitabha!
Considering the cyber-orthodox virtues I practiced in my past life, studying mecha-Buddhas and pounding away at electronic wooden fish, this retribution was well-deserved.
Yan Xiaoyi was immensely thrilled and endlessly curious about what this exclusive two-piece set for CEOs could possibly be.
The next second... a puff of black vapor erupted before her eyes, and the system's introduction rang out:
"Exclusive ride for top CEOs! Front-wheel drive with a convertible top, fitness-style starter crank, manual-automatic transmission, 360-degree panoramic view with no dead angles, and a suspended elegant cabin that fully manifests the essence of luxury!"
"And... a handlebar-type user-friendly steering control, single-cylinder roaring engine, utterly dominating, making you look even more noble and refined!"
When the black vapor finally dissipated and she looked at the CEO's exclusive ride before her, Yan Xiaoyi fell silent.
This—this was actually a tractor!
Which brain-damaged CEO would drive this thing when going out?
Besides, if she remembered correctly, she was currently in the Cultivation World! What use was this to her?
Promptly, the system offered an explanation: "The Phoenix-brand tractor crosses mountains and ridges, traverses rivers and seas, as smooth as flat ground, consuming only one hundred Spirit Stones per kilometer! And there is an almighty hyperspeed mode too~ speeds can reach up to five hundred kilometers per hour!"
It sounded magnificent, but unfortunately, Yan Xiaoyi was completely unmoved.
This Trash System certainly had the potential for running a pyramid scheme.
She said coldly, "Didn't you say it's a two-piece set? Where is the other piece? Take it out right now and let me see how bizarre it is!"
*Clang*, a golden Dung Ladle dropped from the sky: "The Ruyi Golden-Hoop Ladle can grow or shrink, thicken or thin, and splash human dung from a thousand miles away without a sound! Truly showcasing your domineering CEO demeanor!"
And it didn't forget to add: "Produced by the system, must be a fine product!"
"Heh~" Yan Xiaoyi was so angry she laughed on the spot. Just as expected... this Trash System really didn't disappoint her!
A tractor paired with a Dung Ladle—which CEO could possibly pull that off?
A fine product? Junk was more like it!
"The system is about to enter hibernation. The host has one last draw chance, please hurry!"
"Draw! I want to see what other ghost of an item it can pull out!" Yan Xiaoyi gritted her teeth and pressed the start button on the virtual panel.
The pointer stopped, and the system prompt sounded: "Congratulations to the host, you have drawn one Melon Grenade of Universal Equality. It has been issued to you, please check your inventory! The system is shutting down..."
The classic Windows shutdown sound played, and the virtual draw panel before her eyes vanished.
Yan Xiaoyi weighed the melon-shaped grenade in her hand, then looked back at the CEO's exclusive ride.
A crazy thought suddenly flashed through her mind: "Revenge! Blow up that Old Man! If I can't blow him up, I'll run him over!"
Once the idea popped up, it could not be suppressed.
She decisively picked up the "Z"-shaped crank handle from the ground, inserted it into the keyhole, rolled up her sleeves, and cranked it with all her might.
Moments later, with a dark expression, she collapsed onto the ground, her hands trembling uncontrollably.
Utter humiliation! It failed to start.
After resting for a while, she yelled at the top of her lungs, "Anyone who can breathe, get over here!"
Soon, several maidservants responded and hurried over.
Yan Xiaoyi picked the sturdiest one among them, pointed at the tractor crank, and ordered, "Go, crank it for me! If you get it started, I'll reward you handsomely!"
"You got it!"
"Chug-chug-chug~" The maidservant performed a flurry of operations as fierce as a tiger, and the tractor billowed thick black smoke, instantly plunging the entire backyard into total obscurity.
"Cough-chug-chug-chug~ Boom!"
Startup successful!
"Splendid! When I return, heavy rewards await you!"
As she spoke, Yan Xiaoyi clambered into the driver's seat, followed the prompts, and dumped the Spirit Stones from her waist Storage Bag into the adjacent compartment all at once.
"Rumble~" Enveloped in black smoke, the tractor surged forward like a maddened beast, smashing through the courtyard wall and charging out.
Such incredible speed!
Yan Xiaoyi was immensely astonished; wasn't this much faster than a regular car?!
"Cough, cough~ Miss, where are you heading?" came a maidservant's voice from behind.
"To kill someone!"
At the thought of being tortured and killed ninety-nine times by that white-haired Old Man, Yan Xiaoyi's hatred burned even hotter. She dropped those two words and sped away.
"Can it go any faster?" Even though the speed had already reached eighty miles, Yan Xiaoyi was still unsatisfied.
The Old Man had been gone for a while now, and at this speed, goodness knows when she would catch up to him.
The entire cab was shrouded in black smoke, and a lightning-shaped green button kept flashing incessantly.
"This is..."
The moment she pressed it, a voice prompt rang out: "Do you wish to activate hyperspeed mode? Each hundred kilometers will consume ten years of lifespan!"
"Hiss~" Yan Xiaoyi gasped sharply on the spot. "This is literally driving with one's life on the line!"
Yet, thinking of how detestable that Old Man was, Yan Xiaoyi didn't hesitate at all: "Turn it on!"
"Chug-chug-chug~ Boom!" Instantly, the tractor's black smoke multiplied severalfold, as if trying to pierce the heavens, and in the blink of an eye, it blasted far away.
The deafening roar made Yan Xiaoyi's head buzz relentlessly.
...
At this moment, the white-haired Old Man and Ye Qing were resting in a pavilion, completely unaware that danger was approaching.
The Old Man took off his shoe, peeled the dead skin off his foot while sighing, "What a pity, such a great opportunity, yet that Yan Xiaoyi slipped through alive."
The rancid, sour stench wafting from him made Ye Qing wrinkle his nose in disgust. Covering his nose and mouth, Ye Qing shifted his buttocks aside and muttered, "It's fine. She's just trash anyway, letting her live a little longer doesn't matter."
"Chug-chug-chug~"
Just as his voice fell, a strange sound came from the horizon.
The old man and the youth simultaneously turned their heads to look behind them, only to see an unidentified object shrouded in black smoke rapidly approaching.
"What is that thing?" The two stood up, seeing bewilderment in each other's eyes.
"Fire-in-the-hole!"
With a weird shriek, a round, smoking, sphere-like object flew out from the black smoke.
It hit the mark precisely, landing right in front of the two of them.
"What is this?" The Old Man picked it up with curiosity, feeling that it was somewhat hot. He sniffed it and caught a burnt smell.
"Unclear." Ye Qing shook his head, his brows twisted into knots. "Based on my analysis, it shouldn't be anything goo—"
"Boom!" Before he could finish his sentence, the grenade exploded right in the Old Man's hands.
The old man and the youth instantly experienced the sensation of flying.
Ye Qing was blasted far away, hanging bloody and mangled in a tree, with his life or death unknown.
As for the white-haired Old Man, he had just landed on the ground and hadn't even reacted when a wall of black smoke rushed straight at him.
"Bam~" The Old Man was instantly sent flying by the hyperspeed tractor.
"Hahahaha! Come on! Get up and keep trying to butcher me! Aren't you arrogant?" Yan Xiaoyi's hair was disheveled, her face blackened like the bottom of a pot, and her crimson eyes flickered with crazed flames.
Right now, only a single thought remained in her mind—run this Old Man over! Run him over!
Seeing the Old Man stagger back up from the ground, Yan Xiaoyi let out a shriek and drove the tractor at him once more.
"What kind of monster is this? How on earth did this old man offend you to deserve death?!" The Old Man was terrified and furious, coughing up mouthfuls of fresh blood.
He wanted to flee, but escape was impossible.
He hadn't run far before he was knocked flat onto the ground again.
"This won't do! If this keeps up, I'll be attending my own funeral banquet!" The Old Man gritted his teeth, let out a roar, and leaped into the air.
"You think you're safe just because you flew up?" Yan Xiaoyi watched that figure, smiled sinisterly, and swung the Dung Ladle in her hand, "Ruyi Golden-Hoop Ladle, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow..."
"Whoosh~" The ladle rapidly elongated like the Golden Staff, and with a *crack*, it securely clamped down over the Old Man's head.
"What the hell?!" The Old Man let out a shrill scream.
His voice was sharp and piercing, like a strange hand suddenly reaching into his trousers.
Before he could recover his wits, he was knocked down and dragged across the ground.
"Bam~" The tractor sent him flying once again, and the moment he hit the ground, the tires ruthlessly rolled right over his crotch.
"Ah!!!"