Xiao Sese crawled on the ground and wailed bitterly, crying with rhythm, crying with melody, crying with style, and the suona players could not drown out her "un-tiss, un-tiss" rhythm even if they blew their lungs out.
The deceased's son was startled by this shout. Only then did he raise his head, scan the surroundings, and slowly frown.
How come it felt like there were more mourners today? Why were all the old women and young daughters-in-law from the village kneeling over here?
They weren't even that closely related! Yet everyone was crying so enthusiastically, look at those shoulders shaking.
Wait no! Why were they all surrounding those two young men who were wailing for the dead? Why were they actually smiling one by one?! And drooling too?!
Considering they were all fellow villagers, the host gritted his teeth and suppressed his anger. Scanning the crowd, he spotted Xiao Sese kneeling right in front of him, crying with all her might.
Why was she kneeling at the very front? She was really stealing the show! I am the biological son!
He hurriedly crawled forward on his knees to the front of the queue. Just as he was about to let out another wail, he saw this woman lunge forward a few more steps, practically ready to embrace the coffin lid and cry.
No way! I hired her to wail for the dead! Is she competing with me for performance metrics here?!!
The man gritted his teeth. Wasn't it just a contest of lung power? Let's go all out!
"Ahhhhhhh!!!!"
...
For many years after that day, people across a radius of ten miles whispered that the Wang family had produced a truly filial son who wailed to the heavens on the day of his mother's funeral and even fainted several times from oxygen deprivation.
After the funeral rites concluded, the host's son—looking like his soul had been sucked out of his body—tremblingly escorted the three of them to the door. Remembering that Xiao Sese had indeed cried with utmost dedication, he still handed over the full payment of 200 yuan.
"Thanks, Big Brother." Xiao Sese's voice was as hoarse as a broken erhu string, but that didn't affect her brilliant smile in the least.
"Big Brother's family has such broad connections. I saw all the men, women, and children of the village come to see you off. With Big Brother's status, they must have to open a brand-new single page in the genealogy just for you, right?"
"That's pretty difficult, unless smoke starts billowing from our ancestral graves."
"Oh? Then please give me a string of firecrackers, Big Brother."
"What for?"
"My motto is responsive to every plea when I take on a job. Just wait, I'll go help you blow up your ancestral graves right now! I guarantee billowing smoke will rise from the grave head, enduring and never fading. May it bless Big Brother to have days just like today year after year, and every single year!"
"!!!!!!!!!"
How utterly presumptuous of you!!
...
In the end, the host still didn't let her have her wish, hurriedly shooing the three of them away and repeatedly instructing them never to return once they left.
The three of them walked back down the road, Xiao Sese smiling brilliantly, Rong Yao looking on with doting fondness, and Wang Qian... weeping with his face full of snot.
"I wanted to say this earlier. Are you really that easily empathetic? Other people's mom died, and you cried your eyes out?"
"Wuwuwu~ Sister Xiao, you don't know, those young wives pinched me!"
"What? Did they find out you're a freeloader in the music industry and wanted to eliminate harm on behalf of the people? Besides, what's wrong with getting pinched a few times?"
"What's wrong?!" Wang Qian widened his eyes in anger and suddenly pulled up his dark red hoodie.
"You call this getting pinched a few times?! They were genuinely going for the kill! Touching was one thing, but they even smeared their drool all over me!"
Xiao Sese: "!!!!!!"
Is public morality this liberated nowadays?!!
"Rong Da, how did you fare?"
"That's right, Emperor Rong, why wasn't there a single woman within a half-meter radius of you? They were all swarming around me. Given your looks, that shouldn't be right?"
"Oh, this?" Rong Yao still wore his genial smile.
"I told them I'm gay."
"..."
When Xiao Sese and the others returned to the studio, they were surprised to find Guan Ying and Li Shuer sitting by the monitors, laughing until their shoulders shook.
Xiao Sese asked in a voice as hoarse as an old crone: "You guys... managed to make money this fast?!"
Li Shuer feigned astonishment: "Imperial Consort Lü, what happened to your voice?!"
Guan Ying: "Her voice is ruined. It's no good anymore."
The two looked at each other and burst into a chorus of hahahaha~
"..."
Sure enough, no matter who gets infected with mental illness, they always look much more energetic than usual.
Xiao Sese: "Teacher Guan, didn't you quit the recording?"
"Ah? Oh right, but I wanted to watch it live at the scene. Let me tell you, watching you guys wail for the dead made me laugh so hard my milk ducts are completely unblocked."
"That's right, Guan Teacher and I are watching the live stream plus the bullet comments here, double the pipes and double the joy."
Xiao Sese and the others rewound to the wailing segment. The entire screen was practically covered with bullet comments.
[Nuclear-level alert ahead!!!!]
[Good news: Thanks for the warning. Bad news: Face mask ruined.]
[Sister Xiao still managed to find such a niche track.]
[I only saw the hot search "Rong Yao comes out as gay", cried as I clicked in, only to find out I was crying at the wrong grave.]
[As the saying goes—want to look chic, wear mourning white. I'm already planning to order a matching ppny for my boyfriend.]
[I was watching the live stream with my phone on speaker in my room, and my mom rushed into my room, asking me whose mom died downstairs that someone was crying with such heartfelt sincerity.]
[As expected, all the villain's scheming can't compare to a fool's sudden flash of inspiration.]
[Emperor Rong and Wang Qian's reputations have been victimized.]
[It's nothing, just acting crazy.]
[You have to admit! Those mottled red marks on Wang Qian look so sexy!]
[Got tripped up by a screenful of boxers the moment I stepped in.]
[Never thought I'd live to see celebrities wailing for the dead on someone's behalf.]
...
...
Xiao Sese was speechless and turned to ask, "Shushu darling, is it really okay for you not to go make money?"
"Don't mention it!" Li Shuer's expression shifted from joy to anger. "Whoever wants to serve those two crazy lunatics can do it themselves."
It turned out that when Song Beichen and the others arrived at a residential area, Song Beichen had everyone go door-to-door knocking and pitching their own autographs for two hundred yuan each.
Initially, Li Shuer and Meng Lian were both hesitant, but the green-tea-scented Shi Youran insisted that Song Beichen's idea was brilliant. Normally, a single autograph might cost several thousand and still be hard to get, so the villagers were actually getting a bargain.
Seeing the two of them so determined, Li Shuer found it awkward to be the odd one out.
And then Song Beichen took the lead and knocked on a door. The person who opened it was an older woman.
After a brief explanation of their purpose, the older woman's look of contempt and confusion was something they would remember for a lifetime.
"Deliver a basin?"
"Song Beichen!"
"You selling mattress covers?"
"Not mattress covers, it's Song Beichen!"
"You going to change our village's name?"
"...It's an autograph."
...
The four of them left in defeat, with the older woman still chasing after them demanding to buy mattress covers.
Under Shi Youran's renewed encouragement, Song Beichen changed his strategy, directly skipping the elderly and targeting young women.
To his surprise, they actually found an eighteen or nineteen-year-old girl. Song Beichen walked up with a confident expression to negotiate, and within a short while, saw the girl nod shyly and turn back into the house.
Shi Youran: "Brother Beichen is still the best. I didn't expect even such a remote village to know Brother Beichen. Brother's influence is just too huge~"
"You're not bad either, Youran. Let's work hard together."
"Yeah."
Just as the two of them were latching onto each other's screen time to hype up their CP popularity, an elderly woman brandishing a broom and a murderous look rushed out of the house, laying into Song Beichen without a word of explanation. Even Shi Youran, who was standing nearby and hadn't reacted in time, was not spared.
"Where did these damn brats come from, daring to come and swindle our girl? I'll beat you to death, you turtle's spawn!!"
The group fled in terror, holding their heads, and Li Shuer unfortunately sprained her ankle, forcing her to return to the studio to rest.
In the live stream footage of Song Beichen's team at this moment, Meng Lian was nowhere to be found, leaving only Song Beichen and Shi Youran standing dumbfounded in the middle of a field.
Song Beichen: "Grandpa, is... is this the work you said you wanted done?"
"What? Didn't you say you wanted to trade labor for money? Spread nightsoil in the fields and you get paid."
Song Beichen's expression turned gloomy. Just as he was about to refuse, the old man suddenly dropped a line: "What? Think it's dirty? Why aren't you complaining when you're eating food? Or do you look down on the work farmers do?"
Hearing the old man elevate the stakes to such a level, Song Beichen didn't dare refuse anymore.
After hesitating for a very, very long time, he used a wad of tissues to wrap around the handle of a water ladle, scooped up a tiny bit, and splashed it onto the ground.
[Don't do it, Brother Beichen!]
[You only care about variety show effects, only I actually feel heartache~ geigei~]
[Xiao Sese drops into the live stream: Coins +5, Experience +5]
[??? What the heck just floated past!]
[That bitch Xiao is still coming to step on my brother at a time like this?!!!]
[One is wailing for the dead and the other is spreading nightsoil, who is any nobler than the other?]
At this moment, Meng Lian rushed over and saved the shattered Song Beichen, also bringing along a whopping 200 yuan in cash.
It turned out the production team had arranged a hidden task; if they had just walked one more intersection further, they would have encountered an NPC asking for help moving cargo.
Song Beichen: ...
Just let the world end, sooner or later death comes for us all, at least spare me from social death...
At another intersection, the NPC guarding the fruit stand stared longingly down the end of the road: "Why aren't the show's guests here yet?"