"Does Sakura think a lot when he's by himself, too?" Erii asked.
"Of course I do. I think about everything. Su Enxi and Shitoku Mai are always calling me the King of Nonsense. If I didn't think enough, where would I come up with all that nonsense to blurt out?" Lu Mingfei said. "Back then, I used to wonder why I was always so unlikable, and what I could do to make people like me, even if it was just one person."
That's right, a loser also wants to be noticed and liked. Who would want to be a transparent nobody with zero presence in this society? Spewing nonsense was just a way to make someone laugh; a loser who wants to catch people's attention has to do something out of the ordinary. Sometimes it takes sacrificing a little dignity. But whether you're clowning around or making a spectacle of yourself, the most you ever get is a brief laugh from others—never a sense that you're genuinely interesting or that they actually like you. Laced within those laughs are an invisible chill and mockery; the way they look at you is the way you'd look at a circus clown or a punchline, and what you sacrifice in return is your equality and your self-respect.
Chapter 831