The Apple family was a very loving household. The family members cared for one another, and the atmosphere was so harmonious that it filled any pony with warmth and comfort.
Yet beneath this warmth and harmony, the Apple family also possessed an unwritten order of standing. Naturally, when one spoke of standing, it was really just the respect accumulated through everyday life.
First and foremost was Granny Smith, of course. As the toughest grandmother in all of Equestria, she had shouldered the burden of the entire family alone after the passing of her son and daughter-in-law, raising three little ones. Though strict and kind, and sometimes appearing rather eccentric, every pony in the Apple family respected and loved her beyond measure.
Next was Applejack. While slightly inferior in physical strength to her older brother, she possessed a sharp mind. Not only was she hardworking, but she also managed the family business. Moreover, she was friendly to everyone and enjoyed an exceptionally stellar reputation throughout Ponyville.
Following her was Big Macintosh. As the former and only stallion in the household, he was the eldest child and had taken the burden known as the family off his grandmother's shoulders with his own back. Though taciturn and nearly single-handedly undertaking most of the farm work across Sweet Apple Acres without a single complaint, he quietly gave his all for the family.
Then there was Apple Bloom. As the youngest sister in the house, she was kind, clever, bright, and utterly adorable. Though she sometimes cooked up things that the other ponies couldn't quite fathom, everyone indulged this little sister immensely.
And of course, there was Winona. This loyal and clever little dog had also aided the Apple family in many ways, serving as Applejack's capable right-hand hound.
Finally, there was Bingtang Xueli.
Now, this was not to say Bingtang Xueli wasn't respected or loved in this household; on the contrary, everyone adored this newest member of the family. He cared enthusiastically for every single member of the household, and his extensive knowledge helped the family in many ways. It was just that sometimes, Bingtang Xueli could be a bit too ridiculous.
For instance—
"I honestly have no idea what goes through that head of yours!"
Applejack scolded Apple Bloom angrily. Today, this little filly and her friends had a sudden flash of inspiration: they skipped class, ran down into the sewers, and went on a Cutie Mark sewer cleaner grand adventure—only to come back completely caked in stinking mud without earning a single Cutie Mark.
"You're actually skipping class now? And you dared to go into the sewer? I honestly have no idea what goes through your head!"
Apple Bloom, who had just been dragged into the bathroom by Applejack, scrubbed sparkling clean, and then dragged back out to be lectured, hung her head in silence, standing there quietly and looking utterly pitiful as her older sister chewed her out.
Bingtang Xueli couldn't bear to watch this scene unfold, so he stepped forward to plead for the little filly. It was just that what he said seemed a bit problematic.
"There, there, Applejack. Don't be mad. Fillies will be fillies. Let kids play however they want; what's wrong with skipping a few classes to go play once in a while? Back when I was young, I could skip class seven days a week, and look at me now, I'm..."
He shouldn't have spoken. The moment he did, Applejack grew even angrier. Was this how you educated a child? Do you realize you were practically instigating her?
"Face the wall outside the door!"
"You got it, you got it."
Realizing he had no way to rescue the little sister from her predicament, Bingtang Xueli could only leave with a sheepish expression.
Leaving Sweet Apple Acres, Bingtang Xueli, the number one loafer of Ponyville, set off once more down the road toward the town. Yet halfway through his journey, he felt as though something wasn't quite right.
Why were the bushes up ahead so colorful?
He lowered his hoofsteps, sneaking forward on tiptoe, and then shouted at the bushes at the top of his lungs:
"Rainbow Dash!"
Startled right out of her wits by this sudden outburst, Rainbow Dash flew straight up into the air. Bingtang Xueli had intended to pin her down, but he got carried up into the air with her instead, and with a loud thud, both ponies crashed straight into a tree. When they hit the ground, Bingtang Xueli even served as a cushion for Rainbow Dash.
"Are you out of your mind? You almost scared the daylights out of me!"
Rainbow Dash jumped off Bingtang Xueli, looking utterly shaken.
"Ouch, ouch, ouch. Who told you to sneak around like that in the first place? What are you even doing?"
"N—nothing."
It would take a miracle for that suspicious look to fool Bingtang Xueli. After staring her down with a skeptical gaze for a long while, Rainbow Dash finally caved.
"Fine. I'm hiding from Pinkie Pie."
"Hiding from Pinkie Pie? Why?"
"She wants me to tag along and get into trouble with her, but all I want right now is to get some proper rest."
Bingtang Xueli pondered this for a moment, and then an evil grin crept across his face.
"Rainbow Dash, I have a way to help you. It'll definitely keep Pinkie Pie from finding you for a while."
At these words, Rainbow Dash's face lit up with joyful surprise.
"What's the trick? Tell me already!"
But Bingtang Xueli merely offered a malicious chuckle.
"So, Rainbow Dash... what's the price?"
"What price?" Rainbow Dash asked, completely baffled. "You don't want money, do you? Have you got money signs in your eyes?!"
Bingtang Xueli simply shook his head.
"I just want a single sentence from you."
"What? A single sentence? What kind of sentence?"
By now, the wickedness on Bingtang Xueli's face was practically solidifying.
"All you have to do is say, 'I, Rainbow Dash, am a lesbian!'"
"What? Hey! In your dreams!" Rainbow Dash threw a fit right then and there, hovering midair and pointing a hoof at Bingtang Xueli, who merely kept his bad-boy smirk.
"It's just one sentence. You know it, I know it, heaven knows it, earth knows it. I swear to you on my cousin's Element of Honesty that absolutely no pony will ever hear you utter these words from my mouth. How about it? Fair or not?"
Rainbow Dash looked as though she wanted to say something else, but Bingtang Xueli cut her off. He extended a hoof and pointed behind her, where a pink figure was skipping happily in their direction.
"You don't have much time left to think about it."
Rainbow Dash's gaze flicked back and forth between Bingtang Xueli and Pinkie Pie. She thought it over: if Bingtang Xueli swore on his own belongings, she could just treat it like hot air, but since he swore on Applejack, it certainly couldn't be false. Besides, it was just one sentence, and no other ponies would ever know.
Finally, she gritted her teeth, stamped a hoof, and shouted:
"I, Rainbow Dash, am a lesbian! There! Are you happy now? Tell me already!"
Wearing a smug expression, Bingtang Xueli leaned in close to Rainbow Dash's ear and whispered a few words. Rainbow Dash's face filled with utter suspicion.
"Will this really work?"
"Relax. If it doesn't, you can beat me to a pulp."
Watching the dead-certain Bingtang Xueli, Rainbow Dash had no choice but to take a gamble. Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie had already closed the distance, launching herself into a high-flying pounce toward Rainbow Dash.
"Hey! You—"
Before she could finish, Rainbow Dash thrust out a single hoof and shouted at the top of her lungs:
"Stop!"
And Pinkie Pie actually froze right there, suspended midair.
Then Rainbow Dash pointed a hoof in the opposite direction.
"I'm over that way."
"Oh, okay! Thanks!"
And then Rainbow Dash and Bingtang Xueli watched as Pinkie Pie's midair, hovering body suddenly pivoted and shot off in the direction Rainbow Dash had just pointed.
Leaving behind a thoroughly stunned Rainbow Dash and a completely nonchalant Bingtang Xueli.
"Are you kidding me? She... you... I... whatever."
Rainbow Dash shook her head, deciding not to dwell on it, because a much more important matter demanded her attention.
"Right! You are forbidden from telling a single soul about this! You hear me?!"
Bingtang Xueli remained entirely nonchalant.
"Relax. The only ponies who heard what you just said were the two of us, and I guarantee you won't let any pony ever hear about it from my lips. I swear on Princess Celestia."
As he spoke, he even crossed his heart with a hoof.
Hearing this, Rainbow Dash said no more, fluttered her wings, and trotted off.
Watching until Rainbow Dash flew out of sight, the nonchalance on Bingtang Xueli's face vanished instantly, replaced by the look of a plot successfully hatched.
"The only ponies who heard it were the two of us, of course," he said, pulling a pink stone from his saddlebags. "Except for my Sound Stone."
With that, he scampered back to his room in absolute ecstasy, pulled out a record-pressing machine, and headed straight for the Golden Oak Library.
Any pony could use a Sound Stone; after all, magic resided within the bodies of all ponies. Normally, however, they could only be used for recording. To play them back and press them into vinyl records required a Unicorn, which was why Bingtang Xueli had chosen to seek Twilight Sparkle's help.
Yet why did Twilight look so displeased?
After explaining to Bingtang that she had recently been pranked by Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, Twilight expressed her willingness to help, noting that this was her first time pressing a record anyway.
Under Bingtang Xueli's guidance, Twilight quickly finished making the record. What puzzled her, though, was why Bingtang Xueli had insisted she wear earplugs during the tuning process.
Packing up his gear and preparing to leave, Bingtang Xueli had just reached the door when it was suddenly thrown wide open from the outside, squishing him flat against the wall like a pony pancake.
The pony who burst through was none other than Pinkie Pie, rushing in with breathless urgency.
"What is it, Pinkie? Why the rush? And Xueli, are you alright?"
"Thanks for asking. I've never been better."
Bingtang Xueli rubbed his forehead. Pinkie Pie launched into a long-winded tale about encountering a griffin named Gilda today, and how utterly awful that creature was.
Just as Twilight was about to suggest that perhaps Pinkie's attitude had been the problem, Bingtang Xueli grabbed Pinkie by the shoulders, his eyes wide with shock.
"Wait a minute. You're telling me Rainbow Dash's friend is a griffin?!"
"Yeah, and they've known each other since they were kids. Let me tell you, that creature has the worst temper—"
Bingtang Xueli raised a hoof to cut Pinkie off. He pondered for a moment before speaking.
"Get everyone over here. We're holding a meeting."
At those words, Pinkie Pie instantly lit up with excitement, pulling several burlap sacks out of nowhere.
"Yay! Whose house are we going to tie up first?"
"No, no, no. Just call them over one by one. I don't want to get beaten up again."
Inside the library, the Elements of Harmony arrived one by one. Rainbow Dash came last, having been dragged over by Pinkie the moment she finished her weather duties.
"So what is this all about?" Rarity asked.
"Yeah, we're still busy scrubbing off the paint that Rainbow and Pinkie smeared on the apples," Applejack said, sparing Rainbow Dash a glare.
"It's about Rainbow Dash's friend, Gilda."
At that moment, Bingtang Xueli put on a rare, serious expression.
"Gilda? What about her?"
Rainbow Dash looked completely bewildered. Then Pinkie Pie recounted everything that had happened between her and Gilda today.
"What?! She actually did something like that? I really misjudged her..."
Before Rainbow Dash could finish her indignant outburst, Bingtang Xueli interrupted her.
"Rainbow Dash, let me ask you: has Gilda ever demanded friendship fees from you? Or constantly borrowed bits and never paid them back?"
Meeting Bingtang Xueli's earnest gaze, Rainbow Dash shook her head blankly.
"All right, then I understand. But first, I need to tell you all what a griffin actually is."
Following that, Bingtang Xueli explained the current state of the griffin race. In short, griffins nowadays were a bunch of profit-driven mercenaries. They cared nothing for friendship, never made friends, and didn't even raise their own young; in their eyes, money was everything.
Hearing Bingtang Xueli's explanation left the ponies gaping in astonishment, especially Pinkie Pie, whose eyes nearly popped out of her head.
"So Gilda is actually one of the better-behaved kids among griffins?!"
Bingtang Xueli nodded.
"Rainbow Dash, can you tell us how you and Gilda met?"
With that, Rainbow Dash recounted how she met Gilda at the Junior Speedster Camp and how they subsequently became friends.
When she finished, Bingtang Xueli nodded.
"I get it. Gilda truly considers Rainbow Dash a friend, but growing up in a miserable dump like Griffinstone left her completely clueless about what friendship actually means. So, we're going to teach her what friendship is."
The other ponies exchanged glances, then turned their attention back to him.
"What do you propose we do?"
Twilight asked.
"I have a plan," he said, flashing an evil grin. "You might not know this, but back in Canterlot, I used to have a title: The Bully of the Canterlot Imperial City."
Meanwhile, Gilda was wandering aimlessly through the market. With Rainbow Dash at work, she genuinely felt bored out of her mind and planned to pick on some ponies to pass the time. Yet she had to admit, even a little town like this was far better than that wretched dump called Griffinstone.
Because Gilda was looking around and not watching where she was going, she plowed straight into another pony.
Gilda remained unfazed, but the black-and-white pony before her was nearly knocked off her hooves.
Gilda had just been lamenting the lack of ponies to bully, and here one had practically thrown herself into the line of fire. She prepared to give this blind little pony a proper fright.
Yet just as she spread her wings to puff out her frame and look more intimidating, the other pony spoke first.
"Are you fucking blind, or what? Walking without watching where you're going? If you don't need those fucking eyes of yours, you might as well gouge them out!"
Hearing this, Gilda's fur bristled with rage. She opened her beak to retort, only to be cut off by another barrage of mockery from the pony before her.
"Oh, what do you know? It's a griffin. I thought some farm chicken evolved into a Mega Evolution and escaped its coop. What's wrong? Got beaten up so badly in Griffinstone you couldn't survive anymore, so you ran to Equestria to be a refugee? I know you griffins love money—how about this: get down on your knees right now and kowtow twice to Grandpa here, and maybe I'll reward you with a bit. How's that sound?"
That completely set Gilda off.
"You asshole! I'm going to eat you alive!"
She wouldn't actually eat the pony alive, of course—she merely intended to bare her claws and beak, use her presence to scare the pony, and then beat him senseless so he'd learn she wasn't someone to be trifled with.
Little did she know, the pony standing before her had spent time in wretched places like 9th-Tier Town; there was no way he'd be intimidated by some sheltered little girl.
Instead of cowering in fear at Gilda's threat, the pony grew even more aggressive.
"Have I been giving you too much face lately, or what?! You clearly haven't seen the mob! You dare pick a fight with me?! Let me show you what a black hoof is really like! Who the hell do you think you're fronting for? I'll pluck every last feather off your body to make a duster, turn you into roast chicken, chop you into pieces, and feed you to the timberwolves! Keep acting tough with me and see if I don't make you fly!"
Faced with such a fierce and menacing pony, Gilda's momentum instantly crumbled. As everyone knew, once you lost the psychological upper hand in a shouting match, you had lost completely.
And that was precisely Gilda's current predicament.
"You..."
"What the fuck do you mean, 'you' ?!"
"I..."
"What the fuck do you mean, 'I'?! Shut your stinking trap right now!"
For the next five minutes, the pony proceeded to deploy over two hundred verbs while cordially greeting various female relatives spanning eighteen generations of Gilda's ancestry. Gone was Gilda's initial bravado; she was curled up into a tight, shivering ball, reminded of the bullies back home in Griffinstone and the ponies who had pushed her around when she first arrived in Equestria, tears welling up in her eyes.
What Gilda was thinking, Bingtang Xueli had no idea; Bingtang Xueli only knew he was running out of breath. His throat felt completely parched—why hadn't Rainbow Dash and the others shown up yet? According to the script, this was supposed to be the moment they staged their heroic rescue!
Right at that moment, a yellow flash darted between him and Gilda.
*Finally,* Bingtang Xueli thought to himself. Though, according to the script, shouldn't Pinkie Pie have been the first one to jump out and break it up? Why had Fluttershy bounced out first? And why did that look of fury on her face not look like acting at all?
"How could you?! How could you say such things to her?!"
At that moment, Fluttershy possessed none of her usual shyness or timidity.
"I..."
Bingtang Xueli tried to speak, but meeting Fluttershy's furious glare froze him in place. In an instant, he felt as though his soul had been locked down, rendering his body completely immobile.
Bingtang Xueli felt as though he wasn't facing a shy Pegasus anymore, but an enraged dragon.
By now, the rest of the Elements of Harmony had also converged on the scene, all wearing uniformly angry expressions.
According to Bingtang Xueli's original plan, he was supposed to intimidate Gilda first, after which Pinkie Pie would step in to defuse the situation. But when the ponies watched Bingtang Xueli dressing Gilda down, they had all frozen in shock, standing dumbfounded until Fluttershy charged forward in a rage and snapped them out of it.
The ponies hurried over to comfort Gilda, while Twilight walked straight toward Bingtang Xueli.
"Xueli, you went too far! I thought you just wanted to scare her, but I never expected you to say those things! We never should have agreed to your plan!"
Facing Twilight's reprimand, Bingtang Xueli wanted to hang his head, but with Fluttershy still glaring at him, he remained entirely paralyzed.
"Wh—what plan?"
Gilda asked between sobs, looking thoroughly bewildered.
Back inside the Golden Oak Library, the ponies and the griffin sat in a circle. Gilda listened as Rainbow Dash recounted the entire sequence of events. Everyone offered their apologies to Gilda, and none more sincerely than Bingtang Xueli.
First, he delivered a tearful, two-thousand-word self-criticism filled with obscure Classical prose that no one other than Twilight could understand; then, he produced a massive sack of horse-chew treats as a peace offering for Gilda; and finally, he declared that if she still wasn't satisfied, she could beat him to a pulp to vent her frustration!
And Gilda certainly didn't hold back.
History proved that griffins were indeed formidable.
Watching Bingtang Xueli—who had just been spun around like a top—sit there grinning stupidly, Twilight wondered to herself whether all of his Earth Pony magic was actually dedicated to absorbing beatings.
After that whole ordeal, Gilda's anger had indeed evaporated. Yet it also set her thinking: perhaps she truly hadn't understood the meaning of friendship. Pondering her past and looking at the laughing, bickering ponies before her, she recalled how Rainbow Dash had stood up for her when they first met, and how these ponies had just stood up for her now—the two images overlapping in her mind.
Though this whole mess was their fault in the first place, her heart churned with complex emotions. How could she not envy these ponies for having such wonderful friends?
Noticing the expression on Gilda's face, Twilight launched into her specialty: a lecture on friendship. Under Twilight's heartfelt words, Gilda finally let go of her bitterness.
"I forgive you guys. And I hope you can forgive me too—especially Pinkie. I did some bad things to you before. I didn't know what a real friend was back then, but... I hope you can teach me."
At this, the ponies beamed with joy. Pinkie Pie bounded straight over to Gilda, threw her forelegs around her neck, and announced she was going to throw her the greatest welcome party ever.
Bingtang Xueli was deeply moved as well. Though his plan had gone completely off the rails, at least the ending was good, right? Still, he felt the conclusion deserved to be just a bit more perfect.
"Given the occasion, I think some fine music is in order."
With that, Bingtang Xueli pulled out a vinyl record and a gramophone.
Yet the longer Twilight stared at that record, the stranger it looked. Wasn't that the one she had helped him record earlier?
Having set the record spinning, Bingtang Xueli excused himself under the pretext of visiting the restroom. As the disc revolved slowly on the turntable, audio began to blare from the horn:
"Hey! Hey-hey!"
Hearing those sounds, everyone looked around in utter bewilderment. Why did that voice sound so familiar?
At that exact moment, Rainbow Dash's complexion drained of color. Terror washed over her face as she lunged toward the gramophone to stop it, but she was far too late.
"Hey! Hey-hey! I'm a lesbian! I'm a lesbian! I, Rainbow Dash, am a lesbian! Hey-hey-hey!"
Rainbow Dash's voice reverberated through the cheerful tune, echoing mercilessly into the ears of every pony present. By now, Rainbow Dash's face had turned the color of a red ceramic teapot, steam practically venting from her ears.
"Well, uh, Rainbow, I actually don't care about your preferences," Gilda said awkwardly, casting a glance at Rainbow Dash. "You're still my best friend."
"BING! TANG! XUE! LI! I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU!"