"Marry me, Rainbow Dash!"
In Bingtang Xueli's room at Sweet Apple Acres, Bingtang Xueli looked at Rainbow Dash with a completely sincere expression.
"I—I do!"
Rainbow Dash looked shy.
"Yay! That's wonderful! Congratulations, congratulations!"
Pinkie Pie seemed the most excited. While pulling the string of a party popper that somehow contained an impossibly large amount of streamers, she blew furiously on a party horn. Fluttershy smiled gently, while Applejack and Rarity looked at them with utter disdain.
Bingtang Xueli suddenly turned his head toward the other ponies, the sincerity vanishing from his face in an instant, replaced by the triumphant look of someone whose plot had succeeded.
"All right, all right, time to pay up!"
The other ponies helplessly piled up a stack of paper money and placed it in front of the newlyweds.
Yes, they were playing a simulated-life game that Bingtang Xueli had found. It was similar to Monopoly, where whoever had the most money at the end won. By marrying Rainbow Dash, who had the second-highest fortune, the newlyweds' assets had combined, and now they comfortably held first place.
After spending time together lately, Bingtang Xueli had grown exceptionally close to these ponies, becoming great friends with them. They would occasionally play games and chat, and the ponies found Applejack's new cousin quite interesting, knowledgeable, and delightfully humorous—though he did seem to drop a few curse words every now and then.
In that regard, they had him pegged right. Bingtang Xueli actually loved swearing. He had hidden his true nature for a while when he first arrived, but now it seemed to be gradually surfacing. And the nature he was revealing seemed to include a lot more than just a fondness for profanity.
For instance—
Honesty.
"Was this your doing?"
Applejack looked at Bingtang Xueli with a stern expression, while Bingtang Xueli stared back at her with absolute sincerity.
"It wasn't me. It must have been Winona."
Applejack raised one eyebrow.
"You're telling me that Winona got out of her doghouse in the middle of the night, picked the lock, and ate every single chocolate bar in the refrigerator?"
Bingtang Xueli maintained his utterly sincere look and nodded at a very high frequency.
Or take—
Generosity.
"Oh my gosh! This fabric is simply divine!"
In front of a boutique window, Rarity's eyes lit up as she spotted a newly arrived bolt of cloth. But then she glanced at the price tag, checked her purse, and her brow furrowed slightly.
"I didn't bring enough bits. Looks like I'll have to head back home to get more. But what if someone else buys this fabric the moment I leave?"
While Rarity was hesitating, she caught sight of Bingtang Xueli passing by.
Bingtang Xueli had some free time on his hoofs and had recently taken up a side gig: going to the town square to sing for ponies. If anyone wanted to request a song, it cost just one gold coin, so he could always be found around town lately.
"Hi, Xueli!"
Rarity called out to him, and Bingtang Xueli waved a hoof in response.
"Good morning, Rarity."
"Good morning, darling. Could you possibly lend me some bits? I want to buy this fabric, but I didn't bring enough money."
"No problem at all." Bingtang Xueli pulled his wallet from his saddlebag and handed it straight to Rarity. "No rush to pay me back."
"Oh, thank you so much! You truly are the most gentlemanly, most gener—"
Before Rarity could finish her words of gratitude, Bingtang Xueli spoke up again.
"A Griffin loan shark from the bank will be dropping by your house in a couple of days."
And then there was—
Kindness.
At a certain little filly's Cutie Mark party, Fluttershy's pet and caretaker, Angel Bunny, was standing by a basin full of water, washing his fur.
Speaking of this rabbit, Bingtang Xueli had plenty to say. He was easily the most evil creature Bingtang Xueli had ever seen. He even suspected that Fluttershy was so overwhelmingly gentle and kind only because all her dark energy had been sucked dry by this bastard rabbit.
Bingtang Xueli lived in constant dread that one day this bastard rabbit would grow long legs, munch on a carrot, and say to him, "Hey, bro."
Seeing that no other ponies were paying attention, Bingtang Xueli crept up silently behind Angel. The rabbit seemed entirely absorbed in cleaning his fur, completely unaware of the ill-intentioned pony lurking behind him.
Finally, a wicked hoof reached out toward Angel.
With a *splash*, Angel tumbled into the basin, transforming instantly from a rabbit into a drowned rat. Bingtang Xueli flashed a devilish grin and melted back into the crowd in the blink of an eye.
Oh, of course, there was also—
Loyalty.
"You betrayed me!"
Rainbow Dash glared at Bingtang Xueli in sheer disbelief. Her eyes were wide enough to cover half her face, and her jaw dropped so low a basketball could have fit inside.
Just moments ago, through a series of tactical maneuvers, Bingtang Xueli had transferred all their joint marital assets into his own name and then filed for divorce against Rainbow Dash.
"Sorry, but I'm in this to win," Bingtang Xueli said coolly.
"But we could have won together!"
"No, no, no," he said with a sly grin. "The victory I want is a true victory. There can only be one pony standing at the peak!"
"Then what about our child?" Rainbow Dash asked incredulously, holding up a card representing their offspring.
"I'm sorry, I'll pay you child support every turn."
"But..."
"There are no buts, Rainbow Dash," he said, entirely unfazed. "Before reaching victory, there is no turning back."
Rainbow Dash's head once again morphed into a steaming teakettle. Unable to tolerate this betrayal, she took flight and cornered Bingtang Xueli against the wall.
"Oh? Since you're so smart, why don't you guess which hoof I'm going to punch you with next?"
At that moment, Bingtang Xueli lost all of his previous coolness.
"Um... the left hoof?"
"N-n-no."
"Uh... the right hoof?"
"N-n-no."
"Could it be... both hooves at once?!"
"Y-y-yes!"
"Don't tell me—are you going to *Ora Ora* me?!"
"Y-y-yes!"
Terror was the only emotion left on Bingtang Xueli's face.
"Wait, wait, wait! My bad! I won't divorce you! Let's keep playing!"
"Take this!"
"Agh—! I was wrong! I'll give you all my bits, I surrender! I'm sorry!"
"Have another taste of this!"
"Agh—!"
Even so, Bingtang Xueli was dearly loved by everyone. He never did anything truly malicious; he just loved playing little pranks, and after all, he always managed to bring everyone joy.
"Hahahaha—"
A burst of explosive laughter suddenly filled the room, triggered entirely by Fluttershy, who was the first to lose her composure and giggle.
"S—sorry, but you really look just like the giant panda in the photographs," Fluttershy said meekly.
Dark circles were vividly painted around both of Bingtang Xueli's eyes, courtesy of Rainbow Dash's beating just moments before. Coupled with his naturally pure white coat, black mane, and those dark rings around his eyes, he honestly did bear a striking resemblance to a giant panda.
That was followed by a fresh wave of roaring laughter from every pony in the house, accompanied by Bingtang Xueli's utterly deadpan voice:
"Ha. Ha."
Naturally, aside from these ponies, Bingtang Xueli had also befriended some of the other musically inclined ponies in town, and he happily sought them out to discuss music.
Lyra Heartstrings, a mint-green Unicorn, received high praise from Bingtang Xueli for her lyre-playing skills, and she in turn gave glowing marks to his musical talent.
However, as they were discussing music, the conversation somehow drifted. Lyra asked him if he had ever heard of a creature called a human. Bingtang Xueli confessed he had absolutely no idea what she was talking about.
Then Lyra began giving him all sorts of detailed descriptions of these so-called humans—how they had fingers and toes, and how they used various inventions they made themselves to make life easier instead of using magic. Bingtang Xueli listened in absolute bewilderment. At the most exciting parts of her explanation, she even burst into song.
Which was normal, really—after all, in Equestria, any pony would spontaneously start singing the moment they felt some emotion.
Bingtang Xueli actually thought the song was pretty good and surprisingly catchy, even if the lyrics sounded utterly bizarre.
Bon Bon, observing from the side, remarked to him that Lyra was always like that, harboring an obsession with the nonexistent creature known as the human that other ponies simply couldn't comprehend.
"You can't say that for sure. Maybe creatures like humans really do exist. If there are legends left behind, there has to be some basis for them."
Bon Bon just smiled and said nothing. In her opinion, if having legends meant humans were real, then she might as well claim that the Moon Pony was real, too—did that mean the Shadow Ponies were real as well? It made zero sense.
Aside from them, Bingtang Xueli had also met Vinyl Scratch and Octavia.
Vinyl Scratch was an exceptionally talented DJ whom everyone in Ponyville simply called DJ Pon-3, while Octavia was well-versed in classical music and possessed top-tier double bass skills.
The three of them—or rather, Bingtang Xueli and Octavia, since Vinyl hadn't spoken a word and only replied with nods and hoof gestures—had been chatting quite pleasantly until Bingtang Xueli laid eyes on Vinyl's mixing console.
Bingtang Xueli's eyes locked onto it, unblinking. He inspected the sound system up and down, left and right, front and back.
"This thing is amazing!"
He said, his eyes never leaving the equipment. Vinyl looked pleased and gave a cheerful nod.
"I can't even imagine what this can do! Would you consider selling it to me? I'll pay whatever you want—ten thousand gold bits? Fifty thousand is fine!"
Vinyl simply shook her head, indicating that the sound system was her pride and joy and was not for sale.
Bingtang Xueli let out a regretful sigh, then suddenly snapped his head up as if struck by a brilliant idea.
"How about this! Marry me! Ask for whatever bridal gifts you want, and my only dowry will be this sound system!"
And then he was promptly thrown out of their house by Octavia.
"Don't do this! I really, really love it!" Bingtang Xueli protested.
Octavia ignored his protests, retorting: *What do you mean you really love it? Is that love? You just have the hots for her sound system! Have some shame!*
Vinyl, however, still let him know that he was welcome to look her up if he ever needed anything for music production.
Friends were one thing, but Applejack's extended family was an entirely different story. With the Summer Sun Celebration fast approaching, Applejack had summoned all her relatives from far and wide to help prepare the food. As Applejack's cousin, Bingtang Xueli naturally had to be introduced to them all.
After a whirlwind of introductions, Applejack's aunts, uncles, and cousins of every degree took a great liking to their musical cousin, bombarding him with endless greetings. It left Bingtang Xueli utterly exhausted over the past two days; he had never in his life had to deal with so many relatives.
On the morning of the Summer Sun Celebration, Bingtang Xueli woke up, exchanged pleasantries with the aunts, uncles, and cousins, and then went to find Applejack, who was gearing up to buck an apple tree.
"Up so early?"
Applejack looked a bit surprised. She knew her cousin well by now—sleeping in was as agonizing to him as forcing himself to go a day without eating an apple.
"What choice do I have? All the relatives are up, so I can't just stay in bed, can I?"
Despite saying that, Bingtang Xueli wore an expression of pure helplessness. He desperately wanted to sleep in a little longer, but those early-rising relatives insisted on doing their morning calisthenics while shouting slogans at the top of their lungs. You could wake Sleeping Beauty herself like that—and you wouldn't even need a prince's kiss, the shouting alone would rouse her.
"Oh, please, since when do you have such dedication?"
Bingtang Xueli didn't answer her. Instead, he cast his gaze down the distant path.
"Are those ponies coming over there?"
At that moment, a purple pony with something strapped to her back was slowly making her way toward them from afar.