Seeing her mother’s face pale with rage, Hu Chunhua was terrified. Her eyes reddened as she hurried forward to apologize.
"Mom, please, don't be angry anymore. I won't plead for my sixth brother again. Please, don't upset yourself and hurt your health..."
Her cowering posture made Feng Yun sigh deeply.
"Chunhua, Mom knows you’re a good girl. But think about it yourself: all these years, you’ve been running ragged for this family. Do your fourth and sixth brothers ever keep that in their hearts? In your heart… aren't you actually miserable?"
Hu Chunhua’s pupils contracted sharply. Her lips moved as if she wanted to say something, but the words failed her. After a long silence, she lowered her head, tears swirling in her eyes.
"You are miserable too, aren't you? But you’ve gotten used to it, haven't you?"
Watching her, Feng Yun felt as if her heart were being tightly gripped by something, a sensation both constricting and painful.
"You’ve gotten used to it because the fourth and sixth are always taking things for granted. If you don't give in to them, the house turns into a battlefield. You are willing to suffer grievances time and again for the sake of this family’s harmony. Mom has seen it all."
Hu Chunhua looked up. "Mom, if I… if I say that I am miserable, will you think I’m not a good child anymore?"
This sentence was like a blade, piercing straight into Feng Yun’s heart. She had intended to guide her slowly and play the emotional card, but at this moment, she truly couldn't hold it together.
It seemed every family had this problem. Your energy is always spent on the unruly children—you watch them, supervise them, spoil them, protect them—while ignoring the child who has always been well-behaved and sensible.
It was just like two children fighting over a toy: you know the troublemaker won't stop until they get what they want, so to keep the peace, you almost always force the sensible one to compromise. And the moment she stops compromising and starts making a scene, you only think about how she’s become just like the others.
Neglect gradually becomes the norm, and criticism gradually becomes a matter of course. Especially for the eldest child in the family. You naturally feel that the eldest must have the bearing of an eldest—that they must be strong, able to shoulder burdens both inside and outside the house—forgetting that the eldest is also just a child who needs to be loved and cared for.
"Chunhua, Mom is sorry for you..." Feng Yun pulled Hu Chunhua into a hug, her tears falling uncontrollably. "You are too good. You are so good that you deserve much more love. Chunhua, listen to Mom: from now on, think more of yourself and live for yourself, okay? If giving becomes a habit, you will only be the one suffering grievances forever. People can be spoiled, and those who are spoiled won't think you're good; they'll only think you’re supposed to do it. When one day you don't want to give anymore, they will only hate you and scold you. They won't remember your kindness at all. Do you understand?"
Hu Chunhua was stunned by her mother's sudden embrace and words. She froze for a few seconds, then hugged her mother back tightly, sobbing with the genuine, aggrieved vulnerability of a child.
For so many years—all these years—she had never truly been held by her mother. Whenever her younger brothers made mistakes and pushed the blame onto her, her father would only scold her for failing to look after them, and her mother would only say, "Your brothers are still young, you’re the eldest, you need to yield to them."
When they made mistakes, they could cry and still be held in their parents' arms and comforted. Back then, she had wondered what a parent’s embrace was like. Cold, perhaps? Just like the way they treated her. But she was still irresistibly drawn to it, yearning for it, hoping for it, only to be disappointed time and time again.
Eventually, she slowly resigned herself to her fate. It seemed to be the same for every eldest daughter in a family: working without complaint, enduring beatings and scolding at home. Since everyone was like that, why would she be the exception? As long as the family was fine, her suffering didn't matter. After all, her parents had given her life, and she ought to be grateful.
But now, her mother was holding her and saying she understood her grievances, praising her for being good, and telling her to think more of herself and live for herself. She felt so wronged, and she wanted to cry so badly.
Hidden in Feng Yun’s embrace, the twenty-one-year-old girl cried until her tears and snot stained Feng Yun’s clothes.
"Wuwu, I thought you didn't care about me… I only felt like if I worked harder, I could get a few kind words from you and see your smile. I… I wanted to see you smile, but I… I was really so miserable, wuwu… I’ve been resentful. I tried so hard to do everything perfectly, working myself to the bone both inside and outside the house. Wuwu, I’m so tired, Mom. I’m tired, I’ve been wronged, and I’ve been so miserable. I started cooking when I was only six years old. When you were working outside, I had to cook for the whole family, wash the clothes, and look after my younger brothers and sisters. They were so small—if they tripped or bumped themselves, you’d come home and scold me. I… I would have rather gone out to work back then. Wuwu, I worked so hard, but I was just a child. I was so small, I couldn't look after them properly. When they were naughty and got hurt, you blamed me. I had work to do, I couldn't watch them every single second, wuwu… You blamed me when my brothers skipped school, saying I didn't keep an eye on them. Wuwu, I wanted to, but I had so many things to do. I wanted to go to school, but you said there was no money, so I had to sneak behind them and listen from outside. When I got caught, the teacher scolded me for trying to get a free ride, and the principal called me into his office and said I was thick-skinned and breaking the rules. When you were called in, you cursed me for being a disgrace. But I just wanted to learn a few characters; I didn't want to get lost when I went out! Why are the things my brothers get so easily beyond my reach no matter how hard I try? I thought I wasn't your child, wuwu…"
Each accusation, filled with long-held grievances, made Feng Yun’s heart feel like it was being twisted by a knife. Chunhua had truly suffered too much.
"Chunhua, Mom is sorry. Rest assured, from now on, no one in this family will ever dare to wrong you again!"
Hu Guangcai was standing outside the door, looking completely bewildered. "When did the family start performing a tragic drama? Is Mom actually punishing me because she feels sorry for my eldest sister? What kind of world-class scapegoat am I to be dragged into this?"
Watching the two of them huddled together, Hu Guangcai shivered, goosebumps erupting all over his body. Taking advantage of the fact that they were both busy crying, he snuck into the kitchen and gulped down a bowl of rice. He didn't believe his mother would actually stop him from eating. So what if he ate? He was determined not to do any work; he stayed up so late every night and felt like dying of sleepiness every morning—how could he have the energy to work?
After eating his fill, he slipped out again. Passing by the chicken coop, a rooster locked its gaze on him and pecked a couple of times. He glared fiercely at the rooster and, on a sudden impulse, bent down and grabbed the bird.
"Cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut!"
The rooster struggled incessantly, letting out a loud squawking noise that caused the two women inside to break their embrace and look over.