The sudden change in Lin Fan's expression left all the Wu Race members, including the Twelve Ancestral Witches, inwardly crying out, "What the hell!"
Dijiang rolled his eyes in speechlessness, thinking, "Is this fellow really a disciple of the Three Ones? When did those Daoist friends of the Three Ones ever take in such a shameless disciple?"
Yet Dijiang also understood that Lin Fan would not impersonate a disciple of the Three Ones for no reason. After all, this was the Primordial World; if Lin Fan were falsely claiming to be a disciple of the Three Ones to ruin their reputation, the Three Ones would surely sense it, and it would be nearly impossible for Lin Fan to escape with his life.
Yet Dijiang looked up at the sky and saw no strange phenomena or reactions whatsoever, confirming that Lin Fan was indeed a disciple of the Three Ones.
His thoughts spinning rapidly, Dijiang, as the eldest brother of the Twelve Ancestral Witches, cupped his hands toward Lin Fan and said, "Since Daoist Lin Fan is a disciple of the Three Ones, we are all family. Our Wu Race settlement is just nearby. Why doesn't the Daoist friend accompany us to the Wu Race for a gathering, to express the heartfelt sincerity of our Wu Race?"
His words were so earnest that even Lin Fan was moved, yet Lin Fan did not know whether he should accept.
After all, Lin Fan was a man of later generations who knew that the Wu Race would be the protagonists of the next calamity. Once he became entangled with them, karma would inevitably arise, which would spell trouble when the Witch and Demon calamity arrived.
However, as Lin Fan looked at the Twelve Ancestral Witches all staring at him, he realized that a direct refusal would be tantamount to rubbing the dignity of the Wu Race in the dirt, completely burning any bridges. Whether he could walk out of Mount Buzhou in one piece after that would be another question entirely.
"Damn it, my hands just had to itch," Lin Fan cursed himself inwardly for the umpteenth time. If his hands hadn't itched and he hadn't started beating people, how could all these subsequent headaches have arisen?
Weighing the pros and cons, Lin Fan put on a standard smile, cupped his hands toward Dijiang, and laughed, "Many thanks for the kind offer, Ancestral Witch Dijiang. Since Ancestral Witch Dijiang extends a personal invitation, this poor Daoist cannot refuse. Please forgive the Wu Race for any disturbance this may cause."
Inwardly, however, he thought, "Damn it, I'd better just play along for now. Who knows how many kalpas away the Witch and Demon calamity is anyway?"
"When that time really comes, the worst that can happen is I'll find a cave dwelling, go into seclusion until I die, and never step outside until the calamity is over."
"At the very least, by then my master will have become a Saint, and I can just turtle up in my master's Daoist sanctuary. Could a great calamity possibly reach a Saint's sanctuary?"
"Perfect!"
Thinking this, the smile on Lin Fan's face became genuinely sincere by a few degrees when facing Dijiang and the others.
At the Wu Race territory, in an open clearing before the Pangu Hall, Lin Fan sat facing the Twelve Ancestral Witches, chatting happily.
Along the journey back, the Twelve Ancestral Witches had been flattered until their faces flushed with color, especially the two female ancestral witches, Xuanming and Houtu. Lin Fan addressed them as "elder sister" one moment and regaled them with jokes from later generations the next, sending the two female witches into ripples of laughter with radiant, blooming smiles.
They called Lin Fan "good younger brother" one after another in gentle tones, a sight that left the remaining ancestral witches burning with jealousy as they thought, "Is this really our little sister?"
In the distance, some members of the Wu Race were preparing food, dragging entire carcasses of ferocious beasts right up beside the Twelve Ancestral Witches. Lin Fan watched with his own eyes as Ancestral Witch Gonggong picked up an entire ferocious beast and bit right into it.
"Rip!" Instantly, the beast's fresh blood gushed out. Gonggong chewed and swallowed the hide, fur, blood, and meat in huge mouthfuls, turning Lin Fan's stomach so violently that he felt as though he might vomit up every meal he had eaten in the past thousand years.
Suppressing his nausea, Lin Fan saw Dijiang gesturing to him, so he quickly waved his hands and blurted out, "No need, no need! This poor Daoist isn't hungry right now."
"Are you kidding me? Can this stuff be eaten the way you people eat it? Just looking at it makes me sick to my stomach. As expected, they're still a bunch of uncivilized, barbarous people," Lin Fan thought to himself.
"Wait, could Xuanming and Houtu, those two beautiful maidens, also..." Lin Fan hurriedly looked to the side.
Sure enough, Xuanming and Houtu had also picked up two beast legs and were about to shove them into their mouths.
Lin Fan saw it clearly—those legs were still dripping with blood! They certainly looked fresh!
"Wait, wait, don't eat that..."
Lin Fan yelled at the top of his lungs toward the two of them. His voice rang out across the entire Wu Race territory, causing every single member of the Wu Race, including the Twelve Ancestral Witches, to look at Lin Fan in utter confusion.
But Lin Fan didn't care about any of that anymore. Right now, all he wanted to do was stop Xuanming and Houtu from biting into those two bloody beast legs.
"Damn it, can you imagine two beauties as fair as celestial immortals holding bloody beast legs, smiling cheerfully and chowing down?" Just imagining the scene made even Lin Fan, with his Daluo Golden Immortal cultivation, shudder.
"What's wrong? Does little brother want sister's beast leg? If you want to eat it, sister can trade with you," Xuanming asked, holding the beast leg with a puzzled expression.
"I want to eat your grandmother's leg! Damn it, I just don't want a beauty like you eating like that!" Lin Fan thought, his face darkening with a web of black lines.
"Sister is joking. Younger brother simply knows a better way to prepare them. Could sister wait a moment before eating, and let younger brother process them for you first? How about that?" Lin Fan smiled.
"Hmph, what other way to cook them could there be? Ever since we took human form, this is how we've always eaten. What other methods could there be? Will the taste change? You talk too much and make a mountain out of a molehill," Gonggong said, glaring at Lin Fan with his mouth wide open, chewing heavily on a mouthful.
"Hmph, once I'm done cooking, don't you go eating any!" Lin Fan retorted unceremoniously.
With that, he stopped paying attention to this brainless brute. He pointed a finger into empty air, and a true flame materialized out of nowhere. Lin Fan took the beast legs from the hands of Xuanming and Houtu, summoned clean water, expertly cleaned and prepped them, and began to roasting them, constantly pulling out various spices to apply evenly over the surface as he went.
Before long, a unique aroma of roasted meat drifted out, echoing across the entire Ancestral Witch Hall and drilling into the noses of all the ancestral witches. Everyone involuntarily swallowed hard, looking at the meat in Lin Fan's hands and then back at the meat they had been gnawing on. Damn it, they instantly felt that their own food wasn't appetizing at all.
One by one, they unconsciously drifted over to Lin Fan's side. Without a word, they simply stared at the meat Lin Fan was roasting, swallowing continuously, paying no mind to the drool nearly dripping onto the ground.
A moment later, the cooking was done. That color, that fragrance—tsk tsk, what an alluring sight.
Right before the eyes of the entire Wu Race, Lin Fan handed the two legs directly into the hands of Xuanming and Houtu. Looking at the group of country bumpkins drooling without any worldly experience, he said with rather feigned modesty, "Two elder sisters, it's ready. Now this meat is barely edible."
As expected, Lin Fan's show of false modesty instantly earned him a chorus of eye-rolls.
Damn it, it's already like this, and it's *barely edible*? Then what the hell were we eating before—pig feed?!
Although Xuanming and Houtu also wanted to complain, delicious food was right in front of them, and their small mouths had no time for talking. Being Daluo Golden Immortals, they weren't afraid of the heat, so they picked the meat up and began to devour it.
In literally the blink of an eye, those two large, long legs vanished from everyone's sight at a speed visible to the naked eye.
Lin Fan hadn't expected those two to possess such formidable combat prowess. He watched as the pair held up a pair of bones stripped so clean that not a single speck of meat remained, staring straight at him.
Lin Fan couldn't help swallowing hard, offering an awkward smile as he said, "Two elder sisters, no rush, no rush. I understand, I understand everything."
With that, he looked over at the mountain of food piled up in the distance, his face twisting bitterly as he felt for the first time what it meant to lift a rock only to drop it on one's own feet.
Seeing that Lin Fan was starting his barbecuing career all over again, the entire Wu Race could no longer sit still. First among them was Dijiang, one of the Twelve Ancestral Witches, who zipped over to Lin Fan's side in a flash, grabbed Lin Fan's hand, and laughed heartily, "Brother, good brother, hurry up and make a piece for your older brother too!"
"Brother, good brother, help your brother Zhurong process a piece as well!"
"That's right, and for me too!"
...
In an instant, the Twelve Ancestral Witches and all the Wu Race members—save for Gonggong—were gazing eagerly at Lin Fan.
Oh well, guiding one sheep is herding, and guiding a flock is also herding. Lin Fan waved his hand and smiled, "There's enough, there's plenty for everyone."
Instantly, apart from Gonggong, who stood awkwardly clutching a raw beast leg with a miserable expression, the entire crowd broke into cheers of approval.
Lin Fan set to work with blazing enthusiasm, while the Wu Race waited in high excitement to be fed by Lin Fan.
Yet what Lin Fan never expected in his wildest dreams was—damn it, the stomachs of the Wu Race were bottomless pits! Didn't they know when they were full?
This single meal lasted for days and nights. By the time it finally ended, even with Lin Fan's Daluo Golden Immortal cultivation, he was exhausted to the point of collapsing flat on the ground. He figured he probably wouldn't want to eat barbecue ever again for the rest of his life.
After everyone had eaten and drunk their fill, Dijiang—the eldest of the Twelve Ancestral Witches and the intellectual pillar of the Wu Race—patted his rounded, bulging belly as he looked at Lin Fan lying on the ground, unwilling to move an inch. His eyes rolled, and he walked over to Lin Fan, throwing an arm around his shoulder and chuckling, "Many thanks today, brother! If it weren't for you, brother, my Wu Race would never have known that meat could be eaten this way!"
"To express the gratitude of our Wu Race, brother, why don't we offer vows to Father God Pangu and become sworn brothers? From now on, how about you become the thirteenth ancestral witch of our Wu Race?"
At these words, Lin Fan's exhaustion vanished instantly. He leaped straight up into the air, pointed a trembling finger at Dijiang with a look of absolute terror, and stammered incoherently for a long time without managing to say a single word.
In reality, Lin Fan was already cursing up a storm inside: "Damn it, your grandfather here treated you bunch of barbarians with good intentions, fine food, and great drinks for several days without even getting a sip of water, and this is how you repay your grandfather?"
"Join your Wu Race and become the thirteenth ancestral witch? Are you trying to make sure your grandfather doesn't die fast enough and send him off a little sooner?!"
"What did your grandfather ever do to you Wu Race? Didn't we just have a little fight? After all my hard work over these past few days, I've apologized and made amends—was that really necessary?!"
"Was it really necessary to make your grandfather dig his own grave and be buried alongside the future of the Wu Race?!"
Lin Fan truly wanted to slap himself across the face right now. Damn it, after playing it safe for so long, he had slipped up just this once and actually thrown hands—and now these people were never going to let him go, were they?
They were sticking to him like leeches, weren't they?
They wanted him dead that badly, did they?
From now on, even if someone beat him to death, he would never make a move again. If you don't act arrogant, you won't get struck by lightning. Damn it, the ancients did not lie to me!
Lin Fan felt tears welling up in his eyes.
Yet looking at the hopeful gazes of the entire Wu Race—even that brute Gonggong was staring at him with glowing eyes—Lin Fan was left without tears to cry. Truly, there was nothing in this world that couldn't be resolved with a meal; if there was, two meals would do it.
Damn it, the "true fragrant" theorem really kills people!
"Big brother, these words make complete sense."
"Big brother is right. Brother Lin Fan should indeed become the thirteenth ancestral witch of our Wu Race. I raise both hands in agreement!"
"Right, I've felt a sense of closeness toward Brother Lin Fan from the very beginning. Anyone who opposes Brother Lin Fan becoming the thirteenth ancestral witch of our Wu Race can come spar with me, Qiangliang!"
"Right!"
"Right!"
...
The entire Wu Race had thus fallen before Lin Fan's culinary skills. What caused Lin Fan to completely break down was that not a single voice opposed the idea of an outsider becoming an ancestral witch. Was this really the same Wu Race that would later dare to go head-to-head with the Dao Ancestor Hongjun himself?
The crowd was engaged in a heated discussion, completely ignoring the fact that Lin Fan, the person directly involved, looked ready to burst into tears.
"He who hesitates is lost; I can't let this go on any longer. If I let them keep talking, your grandfather here won't even know how the hell he died!"
Thinking this, Lin Fan immediately forced out a sincere smile and said, "Everyone, wait, wait! Hear me out."
"Here, I must thank all my elder brothers, elder sisters, and fellow members of the Wu Race for your immense kindness. However, although I managed to take human form through a stroke of luck from Pangu's bloodline, I ultimately entered the sect of my master, the Three Ones, and am not completely unbound."
"As for joining the Wu Race, let me first complete my travels and return to Kunlun Mountain to pay respects to my master and elders. Once I explain the reasons and ask my elders to make the final decision, we can consider the matter further. How does that sound?"
That's right—what Lin Fan was employing at the moment was the delaying tactic. Otherwise, given the enthusiasm of the Wu Race, they would probably have dragged him into a blood-drinking alliance right then and there.
By punting the ball over to the Three Ones at Kunlun Mountain, Lin Fan was making it crystal clear to the Wu Race that your grandfather here is no longer a free agent and his hands are tied. If you want your grandfather to join, wait until he goes back and asks his master!
"Moreover, my descent down the mountain this time was to fulfill my master's command to travel and temper myself. I have already spent a considerable amount of time here with the Wu Race and should have left long ago. However, I am reluctant to part with my elder brothers, sisters, and the rest of you. Still, a master's command is hard to disobey, so today your younger brother must take his leave. When the time comes, I shall return to drink and eat meat with my elder brothers and sisters once again!"
With that, Lin Fan actually wiped away a tear, putting on a helpless expression.
Inwardly, however, he thought: "Master! I'm sorry! If I don't drag your old self out to take the blame and carry the burden, this disciple won't be able to walk out of here alive!"
"Surely, your old self doesn't have the heart to watch your disciple fall into the fire pit of the Wu Race, right?"
"Isn't being a master all about taking the blame for your disciples at critical moments? Surely your old self has no objections, right?!"
If Master Shangqing had known what was going through Lin Fan's mind at that moment, he probably would have spat out a mouthful of old blood three feet high. Truly, sitting quietly at Kunlun, the blame arrives from Mount Buzhou.
"Listen to that—is that human speech? There's always been only disciples solving troubles for their masters; when has anyone ever thrown a black pot onto their own master's head?"
"Damn it, I really must have had bad luck for eight lifetimes to take in a disciple like you who constantly pits his master. Looking across the entire Primordial World, you're truly the one and only."
That was probably the most realistic portrayal of Master Shangqing's inner state of mind.