As the eldest disciple of the Sect Leader of the Lanjian Sect, Senior Brother was cold, aloof, rigorous, and upright, possessing unfathomable mastery of the Dao.
When I first entered the sect under the Sect Leader, he was already in seclusion. It was Senior Brother who practically raised me. He was uniquely gentle and affectionate toward me; since we were young, we had been inseparable—childhood sweethearts, teacher and student, friends, and like father and son to one another. That was until our master, the Sect Leader, emerged from seclusion and instructed Senior Brother to descend the mountain for training, with the promise that upon his return, he would inherit the mantle of the Lanjian Sect.
Three years later, on the day Senior Brother returned from the world below, I waited for him at the sect gates with excitement and anticipation. However, I saw him followed by a shy, dazed little tail—he had taken on a female disciple while in the mortal realm.
Mu Yanfeng looked at me with a smile and introduced her: "This is my disciple, Qingmiao." He then patted the little girl on the head and instructed her gently, "This is your Junior Uncle, Chu Hanxi. Do you understand?" I watched as the child performed a formal bow to me as one would to an elder.
I forced a smile and nodded at the child. Yet, as I witnessed the care and affection Senior Brother showed her, a wave of bitterness surged within me. I turned my head, trying to conceal my emotions.
Mu Yanfeng seemed to notice my unease. He walked over to my side and asked softly, "What is the matter? Are you feeling unwell?"
I shook my head, feigning a smile. "I am just a bit tired, it is nothing."
Mu Yanfeng looked at me, a flicker of worry crossing his eyes. He said gently, "If you are tired, go back and rest. I will come to see you later."
I nodded and silently turned to leave. Watching the backs of the master and his disciple as they walked away, I sighed inwardly, feeling that perhaps everything had changed.
Ever since that day, an inexplicable sense of loss and restlessness welled up inside me. Senior Brother’s tenderness and care had once belonged to me alone, but now they had to be shared with another.
The young girl was a newcomer, unfamiliar with the affairs of the sect, so Senior Brother naturally spent a great deal of time guiding her. Watching them together, I felt as though a stone were lodged in my chest, and it was terribly painful.However, knowing well that I should not be so petty, I struggled to suppress the emotions in my heart and tried to approach Qingmiao with the bearing of an elder. Gradually, I found her to be innocent, kind-hearted, and extremely respectful toward me.
Yet whenever I saw the smile Senior Brother showed her, the bitterness in the depths of my heart would still involuntarily spread.
As the days passed, Qingmiao made rapid progress under the careful instruction of Mu Yanfeng. Her reliance on Mu Yanfeng also grew deeper and deeper, and her eyes always flashed with a look of adoration.
One day, as I was in my room organizing secret cultivation manuals, I suddenly heard that Qingmiao had accidentally suffered a deviation in her cultivation. When Mu Yanfeng learned the news, I had never seen him look so frantic; he rushed toward the secluded cultivation chamber of Qingmiao like a gust of wind, shouting as he ran, "Qingmiao, Master is here, you must hold on!"
My heart sank heavily, filled entirely with bitterness. Once upon a time, Senior Brother had cared about me just as much, but now, his eyes seemed to hold only his disciple Qingmiao. I quickly followed after them. When I reached the entrance of the chamber, seeing how anxious and worried Senior Brother was, my heart was filled with bitterness and jealousy. I heard Mu Yanfeng say anxiously, "Qingmiao, don't be afraid, Master will definitely save you!"
Without the slightest hesitation, Mu Yanfeng decided to expend a massive amount of his own spiritual power to treat Qingmiao's injuries. That night was long and heart-wrenching. I paced back and forth anxiously outside the door, unable to keep from complaining in my heart: "In the past when I was in danger, you disregarded your own safety just like this, but now..."
Occasionally, I could hear the nervous voice of Senior Brother from inside: "Qingmiao, hold on!" How I wished that the person being guarded with all his might by Mu Yanfeng inside at that moment was me.
Finally, when Qingmiao was out of danger and slowly opened her eyes, I saw the face of Mu Yanfeng, filled with exhaustion yet utter relief.
Qingmiao said weakly yet full of gratitude, "Master, this disciple has caused you to suffer."
Mu Yanfeng responded gently yet firmly, "Silly disciple, as long as you can get better, no matter how much Master sacrifices, it is worth it."At that moment, standing to the side, my heart was filled with a profound sense of loss. The bond between Senior Brother and Qingmiao was truly admirable, yet it also filled me with a deep sense of envy and jealousy. Biting my lower lip, I recalled how Senior Brother used to care for me, and comparing it to the present, my eyes grew hot with tears.
Standing nearby, I watched Senior Brother's tall and resolute figure, a complex tangle of emotions churning within me. Countless times in the past, I had imagined him stepping forward just like this to shield me from the storms and slander of the outside world, yet now, his heart and eyes were entirely consumed by Qingmiao.
My heart felt as though it were being tightly gripped by an invisible hand, aching so sharply that it was hard to breathe. How I wished the person he was protecting behind him was me, not Qingmiao.
The flames of jealousy burned fiercely in my chest; I could not control my envy of everything Qingmiao had been given. At the same time, however, I felt ashamed and helpless for feeling this way. I knew how upright and kind Senior Brother was, and that what he was doing stemmed from a sense of justice and his duty as a master toward Qingmiao—it was entirely understandable.
Yet emotions always rob people of their reason, and the bitterness in my heart continued to spread. I tried hard to persuade myself to be magnanimous, to understand Senior Brother's actions, but that deep sense of loss clung to me like a shadow, refusing to let go. I gazed at Senior Brother and Qingmiao as though they existed in a world I could never enter, while I could only wander alone at its margins, grieving in secret.
Tears swirled in my eyes, but I stubbornly raised my head to keep them from falling. I told myself I could not show my vulnerability and unwillingness in front of them. Biting my lip hard, I dug my fingernails deep into my palms, trying to use physical pain to ease the anguish in my heart. The moment I turned and walked away, it felt as though my heart had been left behind, shattered beyond repair.
Walking alone along the narrow path back to my room, every step felt as heavy as a thousand pounds. The gentle breeze blew past, yet it could not disperse the sorrow that filled my heart. Over and over, I asked myself whether I was truly so insignificant that Senior Brother could no longer see me.
Thinking back on all the little moments spent with Senior Brother, those warm smiles and caring words had now become sharp blades piercing my heart. How I wished time could flow backward, returning to the days when his gaze would still linger on me.
Yet reality was so cruel. Ever since Qingmiao became Senior Brother's disciple, everything had changed. Senior Brother's heart and eyes were filled only with Qingmiao; he carefully guided her cultivation and kept her safe from harm. And I seemed to have become an outsider.
I knew I shouldn't be so narrow-minded—that Senior Brother's protection of Qingmiao came from the responsibility and affection between a master and a disciple—but the torrent of emotion left me powerless to stop myself from sinking into a vortex of pain.
I began to blame myself once more. Was it because I wasn't working hard enough at my cultivation, because I wasn't outstanding enough, that Senior Brother was gradually ignoring me? Perhaps only by making myself stronger could I win back Senior Brother's attention.
Yet no matter how hard I tried, Senior Brother's heart seemed to have tilted entirely toward Qingmiao. How was I to face this endless loss and loneliness on the road ahead? I did not know; I only felt a blinding fog before my eyes and a profound bewilderment in my heart.
Back in my room, I threw myself onto the bed and let my tears flow unchecked. I buried my face in the pillow, trying to muffle my sobs as if that could hide the pain in my heart along with them. But how could a sorrow as surging as the tide be so easily concealed?
Gradually, rumors concerning Senior Brother and Qingmiao began to spread throughout the sect. Some said that Senior Brother's affection for Qingmiao had transcended the bounds of a master-disciple relationship, while others claimed that Qingmiao harbored different feelings for Senior Brother.
There were even rumors that, for Qingmiao's sake, Senior Brother had gone so far as to violate the rules of the sect by secretly teaching her forbidden techniques, all to help her advance faster along the path of cultivation. Others vividly described having seen Senior Brother and Qingmiao behaving intimately in a deserted valley, looking just like a pair of lovers.
These rumors grew increasingly fierce, and upon hearing them, my heart ached with sour bitterness.
I decided to go directly to Senior Brother and demand a clear explanation. When I found him, I demanded, "Senior Brother, what on earth is going on with those rumors about you and Qingmiao in the sect? Have you really developed feelings of a different sort for her?"