The communication jade slip of the Canglan Sect grew hot in my palm, and I stared at the crooked "Emergency Exploration Order for Treasure Burial Secret Realm" on it. Lao Tan let out a mechanical chuckle from the storage bag: "Host, these characters are even messier than Zhao Tie Zhu's scribbles. Are you sure this isn't Wang Batian's conspiracy?"
"Conspiracy or not," I flicked my daoist robe and stuffed the shoddy figurine into my belt, "are the mechanical beasts in the secret realm going to be more troublesome than Earth's urban management?" Even as I said that, the Heavenly Dao Sun-flower Spirit Mark on my palm was still burning. Ever since I ate that thing, I've felt like complaining about rocks.
The entrance to the Treasure Burial Secret Realm flickered in the morning mist. The bronze compass embedded in the stone statue's eye sockets suddenly spun and spat out a word at me: "Ugly."
"Damn, even the stone statue learned to be sharp-tongued?" I gave the stone statue the middle finger, "Believe it or not, I'll make the sharp-tongued flower poop on your base!" The compass suddenly buzzed, and the stone door boomed open, releasing a scent of decaying leaves mixed with spiritual energy, interspersed with faint clapper talk rhythms.
Lao Tan's mechanical arm extended a scanning beam: "Host, detected high-frequency spiritual wave vibrations three hundred meters ahead, the frequency matches the sonic waves of Earth's 'crosstalk clapper talk' – "
Before he could finish, a bronze puppet jumped out of the mist, holding two pieces of iron, with "Geng One" engraved on its head: "Yo yo, new guest? Greetings from this humble one!" The iron pieces clanged crisply, "Let me start with a tongue twister for the honored guest: The Canglan Secret Realm is deep, deep, with herbs and ore hidden tight. If you ask what's best here, the mechanical beasts' jokes are more precious than gold – "
I was stunned. The puppet's tone was exactly like a storyteller in an Earth teahouse: "Are you a mechanical beast or a crosstalk actor?"
"Hey, hey, hey, honored guest, that's a strange thing to say," the puppet's joints creaked, "I am the foremost foil under Emperor Zang Tian, specializing in entertaining guests! If you can finish my joke, I'll let you pass; if you can't…" It suddenly lowered its voice, "You'll stay as a human clapper talk!"
Lao Tan vibrated wildly in the storage bag: "Host, this is an ancient 'Argumentative Mechanical Beast' that breaks formations through verbal attacks!"
"Bring it on," I rolled up my sleeves, and the Venomous Tongue Halo activated automatically, "Let's agree beforehand, no crying if you lose."
Geng One's eyes lit up, and it struck a pose with its iron pieces: "Listen carefully, honored guest, the upper couplet: 'Heavenly Dao Dice, six-six-everything is a trap' – "
I blurted out: "The lower couplet: 'Gou Dan's lottery, ten draws, nine misses, all trash'! Horizontal inscription: 'Reverse Fortune'!”
The puppet's iron pieces clattered to the ground, clearly not expecting me to use Earth's couplet routine. I seized the opportunity: "Your tongue twister is more watery than the knock-off crosstalk I heard on Earth, and your breathing sounds are louder than my electric bike's broken horn!"
"How dare you!" Geng One suddenly switched to a clapper talk rhythm, "Honored guest, your tongue is quite agile. Let's try a tongue twister: 'Sharp-tongued flower, flower sharp-tongued, sharp-tongued flower blooms and curses the street; Social Death Cape, cape social death, wear the cape and everyone stares – "
I suddenly remembered the address tongue twister I recited while delivering food on Earth and blurted it out: "Lao Tan Tan, Tan Lao Lao, Lao Tan's storage bag talks too much; Gou Dan Dan, Dan Gou Gou, Gou Dan's complaints are fiercer than lightning!"
The bronze face of the mechanical beast suddenly cracked, and the word "Geng" on its head glowed red: "You, you're using Earth's tongue twisters! How could Emperor Zang Tian's mechanical arts have this stuff?"
Lao Tan emitted a mechanical beep: "Host, the core pattern of this beast has a 90% overlap with Zhao Tie Zhu's Work ID QR code!"
Suddenly, I had an epiphany: "Did Zhao Tie Zhu bury a crosstalk secret manual here? Did he modify this mechanical beast with Earth's clapper talk?"
Geng One's joints completely seized up, and the iron pieces fell to the ground with a dull thud: "You, how do you know that guy Zhao Tie Zhu? He performed stand-up comedy here for three days and three nights back then, almost making Emperor Zang Tian's coffin lid fly open – "
Before he could finish, the entire secret realm shook, and Geng One's body fell apart with a "crack," revealing a jade slip in its core, engraved with the words "Anti-Involution Jade Slip" and a drawing of a cultivator riding an electric bike at the corner, with "Zhao Tie Zhu, Buried in 2024" written on the back.
"Lao Tan, scan the jade slip!" I picked up the jade slip and found a line of small text engraved on the back: "The secret of the Heavenly Dao Cafeteria is hidden in the crosstalk within the 'Social Phobia Formation'."
Lao Tan's mechanical arm emitted a blue light: "Host, the jade slip records 'Emotions are Ingredients, Cultivators are All Feed,' which is from the same source as the 'A Recipe Book for Cultivation of Reverse Luck' you found in the spirit field!"
Before he could finish, the roar of demonic beasts came from afar, and a Foundation Establishment stage Wind Wolf charged out of the mist, its giant claws creating a wind pressure that blew away half of my daoist robe. I suddenly remembered the scattered iron pieces of Geng One and had an idea. Holding up the Social Bull Token (something I just found in the mechanical beast's core), I said: "My Demon Brothers and Sisters! Listen to me for a moment – "
The Social Bull Token emitted a dazzling golden light, and all the demonic beasts within a hundred-mile radius suddenly froze. Even the Wind Wolf tilted its head and looked at me. I swallowed and, steeling myself, began: "Ahem, I know it's not easy for you all to get by in the secret realm. Every day you're either being chopped by cultivators or attacked by mechanisms…"
Lao Tan complained frantically in the storage bag: "Host, your speech is more awkward than Zhao Tie Zhu's social death performance!"
"But following me is different!" I raised my voice, "You can eat the sharp-tongued flowers in my spirit field as you please, and your cultivation will increase by complaining. Isn't that better than gnawing on rocks here?"
The Wind Wolf suddenly let out a low growl, and the other demonic beasts crowded closer, their eyes sparkling with curiosity. I pressed my advantage: "Besides, if there's one thing I'm good at, it's my sweet mouth – " Lao Tan let out a mechanical gag, "No, it's my venomous tongue! I guarantee that you Demon Brothers and Sisters will be grinning every day and your spiritual energy will soar!"
The golden light of the Social Bull Token suddenly intensified. The Wind Wolf actually lowered its head and nuzzled my palm. The system interface flashed wildly, displaying the title "Social Butterfly Beast Tamer? Beginner": "Can summon demonic beasts within a hundred-mile radius to assist in battle. Side effect: The demonic beasts will imitate the host's complaints."
"Lao Tan," I looked at the encircling demonic beasts, "Did I just unlock a new profession?"
"To be precise," Lao Tan's mechanical voice was laced with helplessness, "You've unlocked the achievement of 'Demonic Beast MLM Leader'."
A bell chimed from the depths of the secret realm, and the entrance to the second level of the Treasure Burial Secret Realm appeared. I looked at the anti-involution content on the jade slip and suddenly thought of Su Qingqing's birthmark and Wang Batian's jade pendant. Perhaps the secret of the Heavenly Dao Cafeteria was hidden in this secret realm, and the crosstalk mechanisms left by Zhao Tie Zhu were the key to unlocking it.
"Let's go," I patted the Wind Wolf's head. It suddenly spoke: "Host, your hairstyle is messier than my wolf fur!"
"Damn it," I glared at Lao Tan, "When you said they'd imitate and complain, you meant infecting the demonic beasts with my sharp-tongued skills?"
Lao Tan let out a mechanical chuckle: "Host, this is called the 'Sharp-tongued Virus'. In the future, your demonic beast army will be able to fight and curse at the same time, doubling the attack effect."
In the mist of the secret realm, I led a group of complaining demonic beasts deeper in. The jade slip in my palm grew hotter, and the portrait of the cultivator riding an electric bike on it seemed to be smiling at me. Perhaps Zhao Tie Zhu had foreseen that only a Social Bull Cultivator could tame this joke-filled secret realm and tear open the disguise of the Heavenly Dao Cafeteria in the most absurd way.
Passing by a broken wall, I saw graffiti etched by Zhao Tie Zhu: "Social Butterfly Formation Breaking Secret: As long as I'm not embarrassed, the mechanical beast is the one who's embarrassed!" Next to it was a drawing of a puppet that had crashed from being complained at, exactly like Geng One.
"Lao Tan," I touched the graffiti, "Did Zhao Tie Zhu open a crosstalk club on Earth?"
"No comment," Lao Tan suddenly became coy, "Unless the host agrees to let me open a 'Sharp-tongued Training Class' for the demonic beasts."
The stone door ahead suddenly opened, revealing a secret chamber filled with spirit ores. But the moment I stepped in, a Bagua diagram appeared on the ground, and countless bronze puppets emerged from the walls, each with "Foil" or "Geng" engraved on its chest.
"It seems," I gripped the Social Bull Token and looked at the demonic beasts behind me, who were practicing their complaints at the puppets, "that today's secret realm exploration is going to turn into a crosstalk show."
Lao Tan emitted a mechanical beep: "Host, detected Zhao Tie Zhu's 'Anti-Luck Clapper Talk' hidden in the puppets' cores. You can use it as a weapon if you pull it out – "
"Got it," I said, looking at the nearest puppet raising its iron pieces, "Let my demonic beast army try out their new skills first. Let's start with 'This puppet's outfit is more tattered than my host's daoist robe.'"
In the depths of the secret realm, crosstalk and complaints echoed. The Wind Wolf's "hairstyle complaints" and the sharp-tongued flower's "spiritual root mockery" intertwined to form a unique battle song. I suddenly felt that this was how a cultivator of reverse luck should explore – breaking formations with jokes, killing enemies with complaints, and even the mechanical beasts of the secret realm had to yield.
When the last puppet crashed, the treasure chest in the center of the secret chamber automatically opened, and a badge engraved with "Social Bull Token" flew out. It read: "Social Phobia Retreats, Social Bullity Endures." I put on the badge, and felt the Heavenly Dao Sun-flower Spirit Mark in my body resonate with it, causing my complaint value to automatically increase.
Lao Tan suddenly brought up an interface: "Host, the jade slip content has been analyzed. The 'Anti-Involution Jade Slip' records that the Heavenly Dao Cafeteria's 'Social Death Cuisine' production line requires the collection of cultivators' awkward emotions – "
"So," I interrupted it, looking at the demonic beasts circling the spoils, "our goal is to turn this production line into a complaining conference?"
"More or less," Lao Tan's mechanical arm pointed deeper into the secret realm, "But for now, let's deal with the 'Foil Puppet Army' in front of us – they seem to have learned your 'Foshan Shadowless Kick Complaint.'"
I watched the puppets clumsily imitate my kicking movements, and a smile crept onto my lips. Secret realm exploration in the cultivation world has never been about serious monster-slaying and level-ups. It's about bringing a Social Bull spirit and turning every trap into a stage, every enemy into an audience.
After all, in this secret realm where even mechanical beasts tell crosstalk, what could be a more effective way to break formations than to open your mouth and complain loudly? Even if the Heavenly Dao Cafeteria's conspiracy is deep, I can still use jokes and complaints to carve out my own unconventional path in this cycle of social death and counterattack.
As night fell, the stone statues of the secret realm gleamed in the moonlight. I touched the Social Bull Token at my waist and listened to the continuous complaints of the demonic beasts. I suddenly felt that this secret realm adventure was worth it. At the very least, I now had a group of cursing demonic beast underlings and Zhao Tie Zhu's Anti-Involution Jade Slip, bringing me one step closer to the truth of the Heavenly Dao Cafeteria.
Lao Tan vibrated slightly in the storage bag. I knew it was secretly scanning the content of the jade slip again. Outside the window, the shrieks of the sharp-tongued flowers and the complaints of the demonic beasts mingled, forming a unique nocturne. And I, along with this group of 'Social Bull Demonic Beasts,' was preparing to venture deeper into the secret realm – where more mechanical beast joke-tellers awaited my venomous tongue.
That night, the depths of the Treasure Burial Secret Realm echoed with the complaints of me and the demonic beasts. Even the ancient spirit of the place couldn't help but sigh: "I never thought that a thousand-year-old mechanical art would be ruined by a Social Bull Cultivator from Earth." As for me, I was busy giving the Wind Wolf the nickname "Complaint Little Tyrant," oblivious to the fact that my name as a Social Bull was about to spread throughout the cultivation world, making me the Heavenly Dao Cafeteria's biggest headache.\n\n