"Gather your true qi in your dantian!" Xiao Longnü struck my backside with her ruler.
"Ouch!" I clutched my butt and jumped up. "Longnü, that's workplace sexual harassment!"
Xiao Longnü's expression remained blank. "What is a workplace?"
"It's... a place where people work." I rubbed my behind and settled back into a horse stance. "Where I'm from, men and women can't just go around smacking each other's rears. If you're going to do that, you have to add each other on WeChat first."
Xiao Longnü raised her ruler again, and I promptly shut my mouth. The early morning sunlight filtered through the stone cracks into the Ancient Tomb, casting a golden halo over her white robes. She stood right in front of me, guiding me hand-in-hand through the posture for circulating qi, while the faint, elegant fragrance of her hair kept wafting into my nose.
"Focus," she said coldly. "Feel the flow of true qi within your body."
I closed my eyes and tried my hardest to feel—aside from the steamed bun I'd eaten for breakfast sloshing around in my stomach, I felt absolutely nothing.
"Longnü, I might just be a martial arts reject..."
Before I could finish, she suddenly pressed a palm against my back. A wave of cool energy penetrated my body, and I gave a violent start, feeling as though I'd been hit by a high-voltage current.
"Follow my qi," her voice murmured right beside my ear.
That coolness wandered through my meridians, and the heat inside me rushed toward it like it had finally found its comrades. The two streams of energy collided, and my entire face turned as red as a boiled shrimp.
"Hot, hot, hot!" I flailed wildly, accidentally causing Xiao Longnü to stumble. As she lost her balance, I instinctively spun around to catch her—
Thump! We both tumbled onto the Cold Jade Bed, and she landed squarely on top of me. Our lips were less than an inch apart, and I could count every single one of her eyelashes.
"S-sorry!" I stammered, though I didn't want to move at all.
Xiao Longnü quickly pushed herself up, the tips of her ears burning a deep, bloody red. "Pervert!"
"I really didn't mean it this time!" I raised my hands in a gesture of surrender, only to catch sight of my palms actually emitting white smoke. "What the hell! Am I cooked?"
Xiao Longnü grabbed my wrist to check my pulse, her brows knitting together in a slight frown. "Strange... your true qi..."
Yang Guo walked in carrying a bowl of honey water. Seeing our posture, he nearly dropped the bowl. "Auntie! You two..."
Xiao Longnü sprang apart from me in a flash of lightning and smoothed down her robes. "Guo'er, go fetch the Jade Maiden Heart Sutra."
Yang Guo cast a suspicious glance at the two of us, set the bowl down, and scurried out. I picked up the honey water and drained it in one go, finally managing to suppress the feverish heat inside me.
"Longnü," I wiped my mouth, "did I suffer a deviation in my cultivation?"
She shook her head. "Quite the opposite. The true qi in your body is exceptionally pure, only..." She hesitated, a rare occurrence for her. "It seems to share an origin with my Ancient Tomb Sect's internal arts."
Just as I was about to press her for more, Yang Guo returned clutching the secret manual. Xiao Longnü flipped open the Jade Maiden Heart Sutra and pointed to a passage of verse. "Learn this today."
I leaned in to look—it was entirely written in Classical Chinese, looking just like an unreadable heavenly book.
"Can't understand it?" Yang Guo arched a brow smugly. "I'll read it to you..."
"No need!" I pulled out my smartphone, opened a translation app, and snapped a picture of the page. "Look, future technology."
The app translated the Classical Chinese into plain, everyday speech, making Yang Guo's eyes nearly pop out of his head. "Dad! Can you lend me this magical treasure to play with?"
"Call me Dad and I'll lend it to you," I teased.
Yang Guo's face turned red with strain until he finally squeezed out a sound no louder than a mosquito's hum: "Dad..."
I was so amused I nearly dropped my phone. Xiao Longnü gave a helpless sigh. "Stop messing around." But the corners of her mouth seemed to twitch upward in the slightest hint of a smile.
The ensuing training session turned into a bizarre blend of modern tech and sheer audacity. I propped my phone on a stone table, played "The Most Dazzling Ethnic Style" as background music, and hopped around to the beat.
"Longnü, check out this move, the 'Phoenix Legend Special'!"
I flailed wildly about, and the true qi inside my body actually began to flow in time with the rhythm of the music, making me bounce three feet into the air as if I were stepping on springs. My head nearly crashed into the tomb ceiling, and I hurriedly ducked, hugging my head.
Xiao Longnü and Yang Guo stared in goggling astonishment.
"Dad..." Yang Guo swallowed hard. "Is this qinggong, or are you performing an exorcism ritual?"
"This is called disco qinggong," I said, dusting off my pants as I stood up. "All the young people in the future train like this."
Xiao Longnü fell into deep thought. "Music... can guide the circulation of true qi?"
She picked up my phone and swiped to "Blue and White Porcelain." As the music started, her white robes fluttered as she began to dance along with the melody. That posture, that elegance—she looked precisely like an immortal descending to the mortal realm. Yang Guo and I stood frozen, completely dumbstruck.
When the song ended, Xiao Longnü reined in her stance. "It is indeed beneficial."
I clapped until my hands turned red. "Longnü, you danced better than the original music video!"
"What is a 'music video'?" she tilted her head to ask.
Just as I was about to explain, a sudden, sharp pain flared inside me, feeling as though an electric drill was wildly churning through my meridians. I let out a muffled groan and collapsed to my knees, cold sweat instantly soaking through my back.
"Huanxi!" Xiao Longnü rushed to support me.
This was only the second time she had ever called me by my name. The pain made my vision go black, but I still forced a grin. "Call me... call me that again..."
She ignored my wisecrack, pressing her palms against my back as she channeled a stream of cool true qi into me. The two opposing energies clashed within my body, and I swelled up like an inflated balloon until my clothes grew deathly tight.
"Auntie!" Yang Guo cried out in alarm. "Dad is going to explode!"
Making a split-second decision, Xiao Longnü struck my dantian with a single palm strike. I coughed up a mouthful of dark blood with a gag and slumped limply into her arms, completely drained of strength.
"Your true qi is reversing its flow," she said, her brow furrowed deep with worry. "You must not practice haphazardly like this again."
I nodded weakly, though I noticed she didn't push me away right away. The sunlight fell upon her face, making even the finest, softest peach fuzz clearly visible. Seen from this close, she had a nearly imperceptible tear mole at the corner of her eye, which added a touch of gentle softness to her features.
"Longnü..." Impulsively, I reached out a hand, wanting to touch that tiny mole.
She snapped out of it and pulled back from me as if she'd been burned. I tumbled to the ground with a thump, my backside nearly splitting into eight pieces.
Yang Guo held back a chuckle as he handed me a towel. "Dad, wipe off the blood."
I took the towel and discovered that the little rascal was actually mimicking my winking expressions. Damn it, I was going to corrupt the noble Hero of the Condor Heroes.
After a brief rest, Xiao Longnü changed her teaching method—she had me sit cross-legged on the Cold Jade Bed while she sat opposite me, our palms pressed together.
"Gather your spirit and calm your mind." She closed her eyes, her long eyelashes resembling a pair of delicate small fans.
How was I supposed to calm my mind? Her hands were soft and cool, reminding me of ice cream. This time, as the qi in my body circulated under her guidance, it flowed much more smoothly, rushing through my entire body like a breached floodgate with a roaring surge.
I didn't know how much time had passed when I opened my eyes to find Xiao Longnü gazing at me with a complex look in her eyes.
"What is it?" I asked. "Is there something on my face?"
She said softly, "An ordinary person requires ten years of cultivation to achieve minor mastery. You..." She paused slightly. "In merely half a day, you have already cleared the Governor and Conception meridians."
I scratched my head. "Could it be that I'm just uniquely gifted?"
"Not necessarily," she shook her head. "It is as though someone had already cleared your meridians for you long ago, and you simply didn't know how to use them."
I thought of that glass of whiskey before I time-traveled... Could there have been something mysterious about that drink?
Yang Guo hurried over. "Dad, can you fly now?"
"In theory..." I tried to jump, but ended up smacking straight into the tomb ceiling. "Ouch!"
Xiao Longnü finally couldn't help letting out a soft laugh. That smile was like a frozen river thawing; I clutched my head and stared at her in a daze.
"Continue practicing." She put on her stern face again, though the amusement hadn't quite faded from her eyes yet.
By evening, I was already able to control the true qi to run a minor celestial cycle within my body. Although I couldn't leap over roofs and vault over walls yet, jumping two meters high was no longer a problem. Yang Guo refused to accept this and insisted on having a high-jumping contest with me, which ended up with him kicking over the Ancient Tomb's sole oil lamp.
"Such foolishness!" Xiao Longnü showed a rare flash of severity.
Yang Guo and I stood side by side in punishment like two schoolchildren who had done something wrong. While she lectured us, I secretly used my true qi to right the toppled oil lamp and casually reignited the wick.
"Eh?" Yang Guo's eyes widened. "The lamp did that by itself..."
I quickly clamped a hand over his mouth. Xiao Longnü turned around, saw the lamp lit once again, and frowned in confusion.
"Longnü," I diverted the topic, "what's for dinner?"
She glanced at the fading sky. "I'll go hunt some game."
"I'm coming too!" I raised my hand.
"You stay here and keep practicing." She pointed toward the Jade Maiden Heart Sutra. "Guo'er, keep an eye on him."
Yang Guo puffed out his chest. "Yes!"
As soon as Xiao Longnü left, Yang Guo immediately dropped his act. "Dad, teach me how to play with your phone!"
I sighed and taught him how to swipe the screen. The kid learned at lightning speed and was soon hooked on the camera function, snapping pictures of every nook and cranny in the Ancient Tomb.
"Dad, do you think this angle looks good?" He sprawled flat on the ground, taking a picture of the stone wall.
I leaned over to look, then suddenly noticed that the grain patterns on the stone wall in the photo formed a strange design—it looked rather like some sort of circuit diagram.
"Wait..." I zoomed in on the photo. "There's something on this wall!"
The two of us pressed close to the stone wall to take a closer look. Beneath the moss accumulated from years of dampness, faint, complex lines and symbols were carved into the stone. I wiped away the moss with my sleeve to reveal more details—this was definitely not some natural grain pattern, but rather a meticulously carved... blueprint of some machinery?
"Guo'er, who built the Ancient Tomb?"
"I heard it was Patriarch Grandma and Senior Lin Chaoying."
I stroked my chin in thought. These patterns were far too modern; they literally looked like... the design schematic for some kind of energy device?
As I pondered this, the stone wall suddenly vibrated slightly. Yang Guo and I exchanged glances and stepped back simultaneously. The patterns on the stone wall flashed with a faint light, then returned to normal.
"Dad..." Yang Guo's voice trembled. "Did you see that?"
I swallowed hard. "I saw it... but I'm not sure what I saw."
We decided not to tell Xiao Longnü just yet—in case she thought we were up to no good and made us face the ruler again.
That evening, Xiao Longnü brought back a wild pheasant. I volunteered to cook, using my Swiss Army knife to prep the ingredients and a cigarette lighter to start the fire, leaving Yang Guo gaping in amazement.
"Dad, this knife of yours..."
"A multi-functional tool, the romance of a man in the future." I proudly displayed the various blades.
When the aroma of the roasted chicken filled the Ancient Tomb, Xiao Longnü quietly swallowed a mouthful of saliva. I tore off the most tender chicken leg and handed it to her. "Longnü, have a taste."
She took a small bite, her eyes widening slightly. "...Acceptable."
—Coming from her lips, that was practically a three-star Michelin review! I was so happy my eyes disappeared into slits.
After the meal, Yang Guo nodded off from sleepiness and was chased away to bed by Xiao Longnü. With only the two of us left in the stone chamber, the atmosphere suddenly grew a bit awkward.
"Longnü..." I broke the silence. "Can I ask you a question?"
She watched me in silence.
"If... and I mean if," I rubbed my hands together nervously, "could I stay here forever?"
The moonlight filtered through the stone cracks, casting mottled shadows across her face. She remained silent for a long time before speaking softly, "The Tomb... does not keep idlers."
"I can do chores!" I hurriedly offered. "I can cook, clean, and even teach you how to use a phone..."
She suddenly reached out and gently brushed a piece of chicken down off my hair. This completely natural gesture left both of us frozen in place.
"Go to sleep," she said as she stood up. "Training continues tomorrow."
I lay on the Cold Jade Bed, tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep. The true qi inside my body was circulating on its own, humming inside my stomach like a little motor. I simply gave up, climbed out of bed, and tiptoed over to the stone wall carved with the strange patterns.
Using the light from my phone, I carefully studied those lines. The longer I looked, the more familiar they seemed... they bore an uncanny resemblance to the Tesla coil schematics I'd seen in college physics class!
"This is impossible..." I muttered to myself.
Suddenly, a cold voice rang out from behind me. "What are you doing here in the middle of the night?"
Startled out of my wits, I dropped my phone and turned around to see Xiao Longnü standing in the shadows, her white robes rivaling the snow.
"Longnü! How do you walk without making a sound?"
She picked up the phone, her gaze falling upon the stone wall. "You discovered it?"
"You... you knew about these patterns?"
She gave a slight nod. "Left behind by our founder, who called them ' heavenly secrets.'" She paused. "You recognize them?"
Not knowing how to explain, I could only say, "I've seen similar things... in the future."
Xiao Longnü fell into contemplation. "Perhaps... your arrival here was not a coincidence."
We stood shoulder-to-shoulder before the stone wall, each harboring our own thoughts. Her hair took on a bluish sheen from the light of the phone screen, and the line of her profile had softened considerably.
"Longnü..." I mustered my courage. "If I really can't go back, would you—"
She suddenly clamped a hand over my mouth. "Someone's here."
I pricked up my ears—there were indeed extremely faint footsteps approaching from a distance. Xiao Longnü extinguished the phone's light and pulled me into the shadows with her.
A figure crept stealthily into the Ancient Tomb. By the moonlight, I recognized Li Mochou! A masked person followed closely behind her, and the two of them spoke in low whispers.
"...That brat is weird..." Li Mochou's voice hissed, "...Innate Skill..."
The masked person's voice was hoarse. "...Catch him alive... Our master is very interested in him..."
My heart hammered like a drum. Xiao Longnü's hand rested gently on my shoulder, signaling me not to move. But right at that moment, the true qi inside my body suddenly went berserk, and my entire body lit up like a glowing lightbulb!
"Who's there!" Li Mochou snapped sharply.
Making a resolute decision, Xiao Longnü struck my back with a palm. "Go!"
I was propelled forward like a rocket, crashing straight through the back wall of the Ancient Tomb. Amidst flying gravel and shattered stone, I heard Li Mochou's screech and Xiao Longnü's cold shout, right before I plunged headfirst into the freezing stream outside...