Gongsun Zhi, that old lecher, certainly didn't make us wait too long.
Three mornings later, Yang Guo found a gold-embossed invitation at the entrance of the Ancient Tomb, stating an invitation for Xiao Longnü to visit Passionless Valley to view the flowers. I snatched it away and took a look; the signature was indeed that sanctimonious old bastard's.
"This is clearly a trap!" I crumpled the invitation into a ball. "Dragon Lady, let's ignore him."
Xiao Longnü stared thoughtfully at the invitation. "Passionless Valley... seems to have medicinal herbs that can cure the poison of the Jade Bee Needle."
Only then did I remember that her wrist had been grazed by Li Mochou's needles a couple of days ago, and the wound had been lingering with an abnormal grayish-blue tinge. I grabbed her hand to examine it closely. The moment our skins touched, her fingertips trembled slightly, but she didn't pull back.
"Why didn't you say so earlier!" I panicked, my voice changing pitch. "What happens if this poison isn't cured?"
"It's nothing," she said nonchalantly. "Circulating my inner energy to suppress it will suffice."
Yang Guo wedged himself between us, forcefully parting our hands. "Auntie, I'll go with you to gather the herbs!"
"No way!" I said decisively. "If anyone goes, it's me. You stay home and watch the door."
Xiao Longnü looked at me and then at Yang Guo, suddenly reaching out to tap each of our foreheads. "We go together."
And so, the three of us brave fools set off on the road to Passionless Valley. I had two bottles of whiskey tucked into my waistband, and a cell phone and lighter stuffed in my pockets, making me look like a walking, highly flammable and explosive hazard.
Passionless Valley was even weirder than I had imagined. The red flowers covering the valley were as vivid as blood, and the air floated with a sweet, cloying fragrance that made one dizzy. Gongsun Zhi stood among the flowers in white robes, smiling like a jackal.
"Dragon Lady, your esteemed presence brings great honor to my humble abode~" His gaze glued itself to Xiao Longnü, and I immediately stepped forward to block him.
"Valley Master Gongsun, I presume?" I reached out a hand. "I am Zhang Wei, Xiao Longnü's fiancé."
Gongsun Zhi's smile froze on his face. Xiao Longnü pinched me from behind, but she didn't deny it. Meanwhile, Yang Guo was coughing frantically off to the side, not knowing whether he had been choked by the floral scent or sheer anger.
"Heh... Young Master Zhang is joking." Gongsun Zhi forced himself to maintain his composure. "Dragon Lady is an otherworldly fairy, how could..."
"Why wouldn't she?" I threw an arm around Xiao Longnü's shoulders. "We even have a child!" I said, gesturing toward Yang Guo.
Yang Guo almost jumped. "What nonsense are you spouting?!"
Xiao Longnü silently stepped on my foot, and said to Gongsun Zhi, "I hear the valley has medicinal herbs that can cure the Jade Bee Needle poison?"
Gongsun Zhi's eyes lit up. "Indeed we do! However..." He feigned hesitation, "Those herbs must be used in conjunction with my exclusive mental cultivation method to be effective."
I rolled my eyes—this old pervert was clearly trying to take advantage. Sure enough, he went on to say, "How about the Dragon Lady stays in the valley for a few days, waiting for me to..."
"No need!" I interrupted. "Modern medicine has a better way." With that, I pulled out the whiskey. "Disinfects and sterilizes, cures all ailments."
Gongsun Zhi stared at the bottle, looking skeptical. I seized the opportunity to pull Xiao Longnü toward the valley interior. "We'll look for it ourselves, no need to trouble the Valley Master."
We had barely taken two steps when a dozen knife-wielding disciples suddenly popped up from all around, surrounding us tightly. Gongsun Zhi finally tore off his disguise. "Now that you're here, don't even think about leaving! Dragon Lady stays, and the two of you..." He sneered, "Feed the crocodiles."
I sighed, turning to Xiao Longnü. "See? I told you it was a trap."
Xiao Longnü drew her maiden's sword, the cold light gleaming sharply. "Gongsun Zhi, what do you want?"
"Very simple." Gongsun Zhi clapped his hands, and disciples brought over three cups of emerald-green liquid. "Drink the Passionless Water, and I will gift you the medicine and let you leave."
Passionless Water! In the original text, drinking this stuff caused memory loss. I stared at those three bubbling, bizarre liquids, my brain spinning at high speed.
"That's it?" I burst out laughing. "And here I thought it was something impressive!" I snatched a cup. "I'll go first as a toast!"
Amid the gasps of shock from Xiao Longnü and Yang Guo, I chugged the Passionless Water in one breath. It tasted like foot-washing water mixed with peppermint, and the moment it went down, my stomach felt like it was burning with fire.
"Huanxi!" Xiao Longnü cried out, losing her composure for the first time.
I gritted my teeth against the cramping pain and winked at her. "It's fine, my body is immune to all poisons." In reality, my vision was already turning black, but I forced myself to stay upright without collapsing. "Your turn, old thief Gongsun."
Gongsun Zhi clearly hadn't expected this turn of events, and his expression shifted uncertainly. I seized the chance to pull out my cell phone and switch it to flash mode. "Taste my hidden weapon!"
A blinding flash burst forth. Taking advantage of everyone covering their eyes, I grabbed Xiao Longnü and ran. Yang Guo reacted extremely quickly, flipping the disciple carrying the tray with a single sword strike, grabbing the herbs, and charging out after us.
"Which way do we run?" I asked, gasping for breath.
"The crocodile pool!" Xiao Longnü pointed toward a small path. "There are fewer guards there."
I almost bit my tongue—a crocodile pool? Wasn't that even more dangerous? But with our pursuers already catching up, we had no choice but to bite the bullet and follow.
When we reached the edge of the pool, I was dumbfounded—this wasn't a crocodile pool, it was a crocodile lake! A dozen giant crocodiles, five meters long, were patrolling the water, immediately gathering toward us as they saw us.
"We're done for, we're done for..." My legs turned to jelly. "We're really going to feed the crocodiles this time."
Yet Xiao Longnü remained calm and collected, pulling a small vial from her sleeve and pouring some powder into the water. The crocodiles immediately began to sway and stagger off like they were drunk.
"Holy shit!" I was dumbfounded. "Dragon Lady, do you moonlight as a crocodile tamer?"
The corners of her lips curved slightly. "Jade Bee Royal Jelly, it can temporarily subdue their ferocity."
Just as we reached the opposite bank, Gongsun Zhi had already led his men in pursuit. A sudden bout of cramping pain seized my stomach; the poison of the Passionless Water was acting up, and I vomited a mouthful of black blood.
"Huanxi!" Xiao Longnü steadied me, her hands trembling slightly.
I forced myself to fish out the whiskey, took a gulp, and handed it to Xiao Longnü. "Quick... take a sip and circulate your inner energy... it can delay the poison..."
Without hesitation, she tilted her head back and drank, her fair cheeks immediately flushing with a rosy glow. I gazed at her infatuatedly, suddenly feeling that even death would be worth it.
Yang Guo stamped his feet in anxiety. "This is no time for exchanging lovelorn glances! The pursuers are coming!"
Sure enough, Gongsun Zhi's men had already put together a floating bridge. Inspiration struck, and I poured the remaining whiskey onto the bridge, igniting it with my lighter.
Boom! Flames shot up three meters high, throwing the pursuers into chaos. Gongsun Zhi stomped his feet on the opposite side. "Release the arrows!"
A hail of arrows rained down. Xiao Longnü danced her sword into a screen, blocking the majority of them. But a cold arrow streaked straight for her back; not knowing where I found the strength, I lunged forward to block it with my body.
"Thud!" The sound of the arrow piercing flesh was duller than expected. Looking down at the arrow tip protruding from my chest, I actually had the mental capacity to joke. "Dragon Lady... does this count as... a workplace injury?"
My vision went black, and I collapsed into a fragrant embrace, losing consciousness entirely.
I had a long dream.
In the dream, I was drinking whiskey at a bar when the bartender suddenly turned into Xiao Longnü, asked me, "Would you like ice?", and then tossed a handful of Ice Soul Silver Needles into my glass...
"Hiss—" I snapped my eyes open, a stabbing pain ripping through my chest.
"Don't move." A cool voice came from above. Only then did I realize I was resting on Xiao Longnü's lap; she was holding a few silver needles, right about to pierce my acupoints.
"Dragon Lady..." I said weakly, "taking advantage of someone's vulnerable state isn't very nice, is it?"
She ignored my wisecrack, and the silver needles descended with precision. The moment the needle tips pierced my skin, a wave of extreme cold qi traversed my meridians, meeting the heat inside my body and producing a wondrous resonance.
"Mh..." I couldn't help but groan aloud. The sensation was both painful and exhilarating, like having a full-body ice-and-fire spa.
Xiao Longnü also revealed a look of astonishment. "Your true qi..."
"What's wrong?" I grew nervous. "Did it mutate? Or is the Passionless Water acting up?"
She didn't answer, instead driving in a few more needles. The sensation was even more pronounced this time—the cold qi and heat intertwined and blended within my meridians, finally forming a warm, gentle energy that began automatically repairing the arrow wound.
"Strange..." Xiao Longnü muttered to herself. "The Ice Soul Silver Needle has never had this effect..."
I tried to move; my chest actually didn't hurt much anymore. "Dragon Lady, your acupuncture skills could open a chain of clinics."
She put away the silver needles and turned her face away. "It's... your internal true qi that is special."
By the light of the night-pearl, I noticed the tips of her ears were burning red. Only then did I realize my upper garments had been stripped off, and my chest was wrapped in white cloth, with blood faintly seeping through.
"Who changed my clothes?" I suddenly grew nervous.
"Me." Yang Guo popped out from the shadows with a look of extreme displeasure. "What, did you want my auntie to change them for you instead?"
My old face heated up. "Well, not that..." I stole a glance at Xiao Longnü; she was pretending to intently tidy her silver needles, but her fingertips were trembling slightly.
Surveying our surroundings, we seemed to be in a cave. Yang Guo was keeping watch at the entrance, while Xiao Longnü stood guard by my side. Piled in the corner were our "belongings"—the phone, the whiskey, the lighter, and the stolen medicinal herb.
"Did we escape?" I tried to sit up.
Xiao Longnü pressed down on my shoulder. "Gongsun Zhi's men are still searching the mountain." She paused. "You... why did you block the arrow for me?"
Moonlight spilled in from the cave mouth, illuminating her face; those eyes, usually so cold, carried an emotion I couldn't understand at the moment.
"Well, about that..." I scratched my head. "In our future, this is called 'basic flirting technique'."
She frowned. "Frivolous."
"Alright, the truth then." I took a deep breath. "Because I like you."
The cave suddenly grew terrifyingly quiet. The sound of Yang Guo drawing a sharp breath at the cave entrance could be heard clearly. Xiao Longnü froze in place, and a silver needle slipped from her fingers.
"You... are talking nonsense..." Her voice was as light as a feather.
"I'm not talking nonsense." Emboldened, I grabbed her hand. "From the very first moment I saw you, I..."
"The poison of the Passionless Water hasn't cleared." She abruptly pulled back her hand. "Your mind is unclear."
I gave a bitter smile. "Dragon Lady, I've never been clearer."
She stood up to leave, and in my urgency, I vomited another mouthful of black blood. Xiao Longnü immediately turned back to support me, and I seized the chance to lean against her shoulder. "Don't go... my wound hurts..."
Yang Guo rushed over. "Auntie, don't believe him! He's just acting pitiful!"
I shot a glare at the little brat, but he deliberately blocked the space between me and Xiao Longnü. Just as we were locked in a staring contest, noisy commotion suddenly echoed from outside.
"Search carefully!" Gongsun Zhi's voice drew closer. "I want a body whether they're alive or dead!"
The three of us held our breaths in unison. Xiao Longnü swiftly blew out the night-pearl, plunging the cave into darkness. I felt her cool hand gently clasp my wrist, signaling me not to make a sound.
The footsteps grew closer and closer, my heartbeat drumming like a war drum. Suddenly, a rat dropped from the ceiling of the cave, landing right on my face.
"Sh—" I managed to swallow my exclamation, turning it into a muffled grunt.
With lightning-fast reflexes, Xiao Longnü flicked a silver needle, and the rat dropped dead on the spot. But even this tiny commotion had already drawn the attention of those outside the cave.
"There's a noise over there!"
We were done for; we were going to be discovered. Thinking on my feet, I grabbed the dead rat and the whiskey bottle, and hurled them toward the distance with all my might.
The sound of shattering glass was exceptionally piercing in the silent valley. The pursuers were immediately lured away. "Over there! After them!"
We let out a long sigh of relief. Yang Guo muttered softly, "You've got some quick wits, at least."
I raised an eyebrow smugly. "Obviously. How else could I be your dad?"
Xiao Longnü suddenly covered my mouth. "There's still someone."
Sure enough, a faint pair of footsteps stopped right at the cave entrance. We held our breath, watching as a spear was about to poke inside—
"Awooo!" A wolf's howl suddenly rang out, followed by the sound of chaotic running.
"Wolves! Fall back!" The pursuers finally cleared out entirely.
We waited a good while before finally relaxing. Only then did I realize Xiao Longnü's hand was still covering my mouth; the faint fragrance of her palm made me dizzy.
"They're gone." She pulled her hand back, but in the darkness, her fingers brushed across my face. "You... why are you burning up so much?"
"Could it be... a side effect of the Passionless Water?" I blurted out an excuse.
Feeling my pulse in the dark, she suddenly let out a soft exclamation. "Your meridians..."
"What's wrong now?" I grew nervous.
"The Passionless Water... seems to have fused with the true qi in your body." Her voice carried disbelief. "Now the poison is completely gone, and instead... it has strengthened your inner energy."
I tried to circulate my breath, and sure enough, I felt a warm current coursing through my meridians, feeling far more robust than before.
"A blessing in disguise!" I was so happy I almost jumped, but pulling on my wound made me wince and lie back down.
Xiao Longnü re-illuminated the night-pearl, and only then did I see her pale complexion and the thin film of sweat on her temples. Clearly, the healing session just now had consumed a significant amount of her inner energy.
"Dragon Lady..." I reached out with a pang of heartache to wipe the sweat from her forehead. "Thank you."
She didn't dodge away, merely lowering her eyelashes. "There's no need. You... have also saved me."
Yang Guo suddenly wedged himself between us. "Auntie! It's time to change the dressing!"
Only then did Xiao Longnü snap out of it, standing up to fetch the herbs. I bared my teeth at Yang Guo. "You brat, ruining my good moment."
He stuck his tongue out at me. "Want to be my uncle? In your dreams!"
bickering aside, Yang Guo's technique in pounding the herbs was actually quite professional. Xiao Longnü applied the medicinal herbs to my wound, and the cooling sensation instantly eased the pain.
"What kind of divine medicine is this?" I asked curiously.
"Passionless Flower," Xiao Longnü said softly. "Using poison to combat poison."
A warm wave washed over my heart—she had braved the dangers of Passionless Valley truly to find the antidote. Just as I was about to say something, a rustling noise came from the cave entrance.
We instantly tensed up. A dark shadow tumbled into the cave, and it turned out to be—Zhou Botong!
"Old Imp?" I cried out in surprise.
Zhou Botong scrambled up looking disheveled and dirt-covered. "Aiyaya, I finally found you!" Seeing the wound on my chest, he let out an exaggerated howl. "Little brother, were you gored by a sow?"
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "Gongsun Zhi's arrow."
"That old fellow is no good!" Zhou Botong crept closer, saying mysteriously, "I eavesdropped on him talking to a masked person, saying they wanted to capture some 'transmigrator'..."
My heart jolted—capturing a transmigrator? Could it be me?
Xiao Longnü looked at me perceptively. "Huanxi, do you know anything about this?"
I played dumb. "Maybe... they're short of someone to do crosstalk?"
Zhou Botong didn't press further, pulling an oiled paper package from his bosom. "Come, come, eat chicken! I swiped it on the way!"
Starving for the whole day, we immediately began devouring it. While gnawing on a chicken leg, the Old Imp said, "Follow me when you're done, I know a secret path out of the valley."
With Zhou Botong leading the way, we smoothly avoided the search parties and left Passionless Valley through a concealed cave. Along the way, the circulation of true qi inside my body grew smoother and smoother, even allowing me to secretly give Xiao Longnü a subtle boost of support to save her some energy.
Every time I did this, she would give me a thoughtful look, though she didn't call me out on it. That sharp little smart-aleck Yang Guo, on the other hand, noticed and glared at me with puffed-up cheeks.
By the time we returned to the Ancient Tomb, it was already late at night. Zhou Botong dropped us off at the entrance and slipped away, claiming he was going to go steal Gongsun Zhi's trousers and hang them on a flagpole.
Xiao Longnü arranged a place for Yang Guo to stay, then turned to me. "Your... injuries haven't healed yet. Stay on the Cold Jade Bed for the time being."
I was flattered. "This... wouldn't be appropriate, would it?"
She said indifferently, "The Cold Jade Bed can aid in your recovery." With that, she turned and entered her own stone chamber.
Beaming with joy, I lay down on the Cold Jade Bed; the icy sensation truly made the wound feel much more comfortable. Just as I was drifting off to sleep, the stone door opened softly, and Xiao Longnü walked in soundlessly.
"Dragon Lady?" I propped myself up.
She signaled for me to lie back down, then sat on the edge of the bed and reached out to take my pulse. "Don't move, let me check your energy circulation."
Moonlight filtered in through a crack in the stones, casting a silver edge around her. I gazed infatuatedly at her focused profile, and suddenly asked, "Dragon Lady, if... I mean if... I can't go back, can I stay in the Ancient Tomb forever?"
Her fingers paused slightly for a moment, and after a long while, she spoke. "The Ancient Tomb... does not house idlers."
"I can do chores!" I hurried to say. "Cooking and cleaning, and I can even teach you how to use a cell phone..."
Suddenly, she reached out and gently brushed a stray lock of hair from my forehead. This completely natural action left both of us stunned.
"Sleep." She stood up to leave. "Tomorrow... I'll teach you the Jade Maiden Heart Sutra."
After the stone door closed, I touched my forehead and smiled stupidly for a long time. Even though my chest still ached, my heart tasted as sweet as if it had been steeped in honey.