Just Coasting Through Hogwarts

When your grandfather's a werewolf and the Sorcerer's Stone hides darker secrets than anyone suspects, what's a wizard to do? For Loren, the answer is simple: blow things up with Seamus, scheme with the Weasley twins, and roast Quidditch matches with maximum sass. While the founders' ancient conspiracies swirl around him, he's mastered the art of strategic laziness—until Hermione drags him into yet another disaster. First day of Transfiguration? He tried petting Professor McGonagall. It went exactly as well as you'd expect.